Parenting

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26
Jun 11

Strive to Be a Perfect Parent

The definition of parenting is the methods, techniques, etc., used or required in the rearing of children. I can definitely tell you about a thousand different definitions on parenting. No one sentence could possibly captivate the perfect meaning or importance of what being a parent is all about.

Unconditional love is the most important thing a parent has for a child. Unconditional means complete and absolute, and not dependent on certain terms or conditions. No matter what that child does the parent will still love them with every part of their soul and with every beat of their heart. A love for a child is unlike any other love you could ever have in your life. It is different than the love you have for a parent or a friend or a family member. This kind of love is the soul’s recognition of the closest feeling to Heaven you can get without dying. I believe God gives us children so that we may love another person the way that he loves us. It truly is unexplainable in words. The only way to really understand this love is to feel it.

Being a parent takes a lot of patience. I mentioned unconditional love first, because so many things that being a parent involves falls under love. Children take longer to understand and learn things for obvious reasons. Teaching children takes a lot of patience, because it is very repetitive. You must show them over and over again, just like practice makes perfect. The more you practice the better you get, and you can never practice anything too much. It will only help you advance.

You also have to be careful not to shelter your child too much. Their safety is the most important thing to you, but you also have to let them learn certain things on their own. Some things can not properly be taught without it actually happening to them first. They will fall, they will have bruises, they will cry, they will get hurt, they will get confused. But it is not what happens to you that matters, it is how you react to it. That is where you come in. Teach them how to react to situations, teach them positivity, teach them wisdom, and most importantly, above all things pray for your children.

I can not sum up everything there is to know about parenting in one article nor do I know everything there is to know about it. I do know quite a bit though in my opinion. I also know it is one of the greatest and most honorable achievments of all time. These sites may have more information.

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25
Jun 11

Kids Need Clear Rules and Fair Discipline

You can establish different rules for different children in your family – as long as you explain to your children why the rules vary. If your rules are based on real differences between the children, who genuinely warrant different treatment,most children can understand your reasoning and only get upset if they believe treatment is unjustified or unfair. For example, different rules for different children may be appropriate based on age. If this is the case, explain to the younger child that he can look forward to the same rule when he is the same age as his brother. Or one child may have trouble completing homework and need more supervision than his brother. The homework rules must be the same for all children (’Get the homework done on time and regularly’),but one child can do his work in his room or on the computer independently,while the other needs you to sit with him.

Children thrive on routine, security, and rules. If your child feels secure, he’ll be happy to try out new challenges.

Ask yourself: If my child were describing our home to another child, what would he say about how secure, how safe, how peaceful, and relaxed he feels when he walks through the door? How do you feel about the answer – has it surprised you? If you’ve discovered something you aren’t happy with, now is a great opportunity to do something about it and change a few things. What small change can you make this week to improve the situation? See how the situation goes for a week or two and ask the question again.Parenting isn’t an exact science – it’s all about fine-tuning what you do from time to time and finding new ways to do things.In order to be a good parent, you must have realistic expectations and delicately balance your own needs with your children’s, which takes patience and understanding. Until your children can meet their own needs, you must do so for them. You have to help them develop the skills to take care of themselves physically.

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22
Jun 11

Teen Suicide – What Are the Risk Factors and Warning Signs?

Teen Suicide Statistics

In the last 45 years, suicide rates have increased by 60% worldwide. Now, suicide is among the 3 leading causes of death for youths aged 15- 24.

Suicide attempts are up to 20 times more frequent than completed suicides. While girls tend to make more attempts, boys succeed more often.

The reason is that boys have a tendency to use guns which are far more irrevocable than overdosing with sleeping pills.

As parents and teachers, we need to be more aware about the threat suicide is to our adolescent population. Teen suicide is a problem that requires our vigilance and attention.

The problem is that teens often go through periods of moodiness and anxiety; there is a tendency on our parts to dismiss warning signs as “just puberty.” Emotional disturbance or depression can be a catalyst for suicide.

What are some signs of depression in your teen?

- Behavior problems at school. Any kind of unusual behavior is a red flag. Consult teachers about your child’s situation at school.

- Withdrawing from family and friends. This is especially important when the behavior is not typical or your teen. Encourage him or her to discuss negative or fearful feelings.

- Complaints of headaches, tiredness or generally not feeling well. If complaints persist, take your teen to the doctor for a thorough checkup.

- Loss of interest in school. Even a shift from B’s to D’s can be a signal of potential problems.

- Drugs and Alcohol use. This is a red flag that requires attention.

- Sleep changes, whether they are oversleeping or insomnia, can be signs of anxiety and depression.

- Changes in eating habits, whether they be overeating or under-eating also require attention.

- Disinterest in a favorite hobby or activity.

- Lack of attention to personal hygiene or personal appearance is often a “Why Care?” signal.

- Does not respond to praise or seems upset when praised.

Be mindful of the fact that teenagers are going through emotional fluctuations and hormonal changes, so not all signs indicate teen suicide.

However, there are 5 definite signs that are indications that a suicide plan is in place and that immediate intervention is needed.

Five Teen Suicide Warning Signs

1.Makes frequent references to death or expresses a desire to kill himself or herself.

2.Verbal hints such as “In case something happens to me, I want you….”

3.Writes suicide notes and leaves them around.

4.Preoccupation with songs of death, websites about death or killing oneself.

5.Gives favorite possessions away.

What are some Risk Factors for Teen Suicide?

-Breakup in a romantic relationship

-Recent loss of a friend or family member

-Loss of a parent due to divorce

-Abuse

-Victim of Bullying

-Unplanned Pregnancy

-Problem with the law

The best antidote to suicidal behavior is providing our youth with the sense that no matter how terrible one’s situation may be, there is a way out and there is support.

We must ensure that communication between us and our teens remain strong and committed. They must know that there are people who care, who will not judge them for what they have done and will be there to help them pick up the pieces.

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21
Jun 11

Psychiatric Drugs Or Alternative Methods For Treating ADHD?

There is so much controversy over whether or not children/adults should be prescribed with psychiatric drugs (like Ritalin? Adderall? Concerta? etc.) for treatment of attention, behavior or learning problems (ADHD), or be treated the holistic, nutritional, or medical way (without, of course, psychiatric drugs).

From my viewpoint it is a very simple (easy) problem to solve. From the research I have carried out, without a shadow of doubt, ingesting psychiatric drugs is minimally at best a ‘hit or miss affair’. There have been many unfortunate cases where adverse affects have occurred! These psychiatric drugs may give an apparent feel or view that they are ‘helping’ but there are many cases on record of ill affects, long or short term. And, who knows what ‘they’ don’t know, as regards the ill effects created?

On the other hand, obtaining treatment to find the cause, whether it be one or more of the following: spiritual, holistic, nutritional, medical (without the use of psychiatric drugs) is a sane, workable (based on statistics) form of treatment(s).

It would be a democratic type decision by any legislative body, in any country, in charge of the sanctioning of drugs, to have a team of non-biased investigators select several holistic/nutritional/medical type practices (that do not use psychiatric drugs in their treatments) and evaluate whatever statistics are needed to form a conclusion. Likewise, do the same with several practices that do use psychiatric drugs and form a conclusion.

The team of investigators would then prepare their studies from both ‘type’ statistics and reach a conclusion as to what is effective and what is not, etc., and recommend to the governing body the best course of action to take: (treatment with psychiatric drugs or without).

I have a feeling that the above actions would be too simple for legislative bodies to do (they would need to add complexity into the equation). This is partly due to the fact that so much money is tied up with the Drug companies re the production and sale of psychiatric type drugs, and so there is conflict of interest occurring.

With the content of the foregoing paragraph, or any part of it, or anything similar, being true, then it’s at the expense of children/adults under threat of the continued high potential of risks of ill effects being created from ingesting psychiatric drugs!

Let’s look forward to, sometime soon, sanity prevailing and for humane viewpoints to take preference over the ‘money talks’, or similar, type scenarios!

Any parent, or whomever, could spend a short time on the Internet, and check out statistics from Dr’s and like professionals, who do not use psychiatric drugs, and compare to those that do. Also, check out any problems that people have had with the use of psychiatric drugs compared to those that have taken the non-psychiatric drug route. From this evaluation alone, anyone should be able to arrive at a sane conclusion.

My sane conclusion is…Do not ingest psychiatric drugs…end of story!

All the best,

Ray P

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20
Jun 11

What Would You Do If Arrested For Talking About God?

“I would be singing, praying, reading the Bible, doing the moonwalk, thanking God and then pretending to be miserable when I see the guard coming,” says Langdon, age 11.

That’s great, but can you read the Bible and do the moonwalk at the same time? You might be the first prisoner in history to be locked up in solitary confinement for having too much fun.

“I would ask, ‘Why am I getting arrested?’” says Zach, 9. “Then, I would say to myself, ‘God is doing this for a reason and a good one.’ Then, I would tell people about Jesus.”

To face a crisis can be exciting when you know God’s plan for you is bigger than your understanding. Every day, I trust in a computer to store what I write even though I don’t understand how it works. Similarly, I don’t have to understand everything God does or allows in order to trust him.

“If they threatened to hurt me if I didn’t stop talking about God, I wouldn’t listen to them because I know that I am pleasing God,” says Megan, 9. “No matter what happens to me, I’ll have Jesus with me.”

Megan would be following the example of the Apostles Peter and John upon their release from jail. When religious leaders commanded them not to speak in the name of Jesus, they said: “Whether it is right in the sight of God to listen to you more than to God, you judge. For we cannot but speak the things which we have seen and heard” (Acts 4:19-20).

Confronting authorities may not always be God’s will, says Stephanie, 9: “As soon as they let me go from jail, I would move somewhere else to talk about God.”

Shortly after the Apostle Paul switched from being a feared persecutor of Christians to their greatest evangelist, he became the most wanted man in Damascus. The governor had an all-points bulletin out for his arrest. Paul’s friends lowered him down a wall in a basket, and he escaped.

“I would send a letter or go talk to the president,” says Ruth, 8. “And maybe we could talk about God. I would also pray to God.”

In effect, this is what the Apostle Paul did when he appealed to Caesar during one of his trials. By this legal tactic, he avoided an assassins’ ambush and continued to speak and write from jail. The letters Paul wrote to churches during his house arrest in Rome form much of the New Testament. Appropriately, they’re called the Prison Epistles.

“In Acts 16:16-34, Paul was arrested for believing in God and never stopped singing and praying and worshiping him,” says Shane, 11. “While he was doing these things, the guard asked him how he could be saved, and Paul told him to just believe in the Lord Jesus, and the guard let them go.”

Shane, you’re amazingly concise, but you omitted one important detail — the earthquake. Paul was the first earthquake evangelist. Immediately after the quake, the guard asked his now-famous question, “Sirs, what must I do to be saved?”

“Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved,” Paul replied.

Let’s pray for persecuted Christians and support organizations that help them. Christians in Sudan, China and Saudi Arabia immediately come to mind. It’s a capital offense in Saudi Arabia to convert from Islam to Christianity. For years, Muslim leaders of Sudan have continued to bomb Christians in southern Sudan.

Point to ponder: Jesus promised tribulation in this world and the power to rise above it.

Scripture to remember: “In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world” (John 16:33).

Question to consider: If police were told to arrest all Christians, would they come to your house?

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19
Jun 11

5 Fun Lunch Ideas to Put a Smile on Your Child’s Face

All it takes is one good lunch idea to put a smile on your child抯 face. What child won抰 love having a lunch that抯 the envy of her classmates?

Following are a list of kid-friendly lunch favorites I抳e gathered over the years from moms in the know.

Ants in a Log

You抳e heard of ants on a log – what about ants in a log? Fill the inside of a rib of celery with cream cheese (or peanut butter if your child抯 school doesn抰 have a 憄eanut free?policy). Insert the ants (raisins) into the stuffing, and then squish another cream cheese or peanut butter stuffed piece of celery (the same length) on top – trapping the ants inside. Wrap tightly in plastic.

Meat & Cheese Cubes

Cut up a variety of your child抯 favorite meats and cheeses (chicken, ham, Kielbasa, cheddar, Monterey Jack, Gouda etc. into cubes and pack in a multi-sectioned plastic container. Send along some toothpicks or pretzel sticks to spear the cubes or a selection of crackers.

Fruit Kabobs

Cut melon, apples, pears, grapes, strawberries (or whatever is in season) into big chunks, and spear them on short bamboo skewers with the sharp ends snapped off for safety. If your child likes cheese consider adding chunks of cheese.

Sandwich Filled Ice Cream Cones/Cups

For variety, send your child抯 favorite sandwich filling to school in a container along with a spoon and an ice cream cone or cup. Your child can spoon the filling into the cone and enjoy as if eating an ice cream cone.

Creative Snack Mixes

A selection of crackers, cereal, dried fruits, nuts, and pretzels make for some fun and varying snack mixes. Every once and awhile add yogurt or chocolate covered raisins or even some M & M抯 to add a little variety and interest.

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19
Jun 11

Raising Kids – Learning to Be Patient!

Raising kids has never been an easy task and it is definitely a task that requires parents to be very patient! If you are a parent or a teacher yourself, you will know what I mean by that. It is true to say that patience is a virtue but in no way does it mean that it is an inborn quality. In fact, patience can be learned over time and I’m saying it from experience!

With a little effort and some humor to amuse yourself over past events that had annoyed you at that time, you will slowly be able to learn to be patient. I know because I have a pair of twins (a girl and a boy) and they have totally different characters. If you have children, you will know how difficult it is to raise one kid but two of the same age can really drive you though the roof sometimes! So what can you do to develop patience?

First and foremost, you must first learn to be patient with yourself. Why do I say that? This is because it is impossible for everything to go the way you have planned, so you must not blame yourself for everything that had gone wrong and remember to show tolerance too. However, you must also not fall into the trap of self-content! Happily for children, adults are mature persons and know, most of the times, to keep their nerves under control. It is vital not to raise your voice at your kids when they have done anything wrong, otherwise they will grow up thinking that they have to shout to get things done. You need to impose your wants with a calm but firm tone, regardless of what the problem is.

The next thing you should keep in mind not to overwhelm yourself with perspective problems. Try not to think of tomorrow. Focus only on immediate problems, because if you do otherwise you will only worry a lot more and you will get upset easier. That is not going to help you to develop your patience because only with a lower level of stress can you inflict more patience internally.

What you need to do is to explain things calmly to your child. Tell him what your expectations of him are and how he can rise up to your expectations. It is important to note that you should not blame him for the mistakes made. Instead, you should explain what he had done wrong and how he should behave instead. Depending on his age, it is vital not to ask of him more than he can give you.

Children sometimes seem to try on purpose to test the limits of their parents’ patience. If you feel that this is what your little one is doing, ask yourself what might have pushed him to this. Maybe he is trying to cover some frustration, maybe he wants revenge for a moment when you were unfair or maybe he feels neglected and he’s only trying to get your attention. You need to find out the reasons behind what he is doing before you can find a remedy for the problem. Simply reprimanding him is not going to solve the problem.

Maybe it would be best if you look at the problem from his point of view for a change: if he won’t learn to make himself a patient person, then he probably won’t try to help you on this. So that comes to the question of how can you make your child become a patient person? Well, there are indeed a few things that you can do to nurture that patience in your child and below are some suggestions that you can use.

1. Teach him to plant a tree or to take care of a flower. That will train him to be patient until he sees the results of his work as he will have to wait for the plant to grow up.

2. Play interactive games with him as this will teach him to wait until his turn comes. Preferably, have more players for the game as he will have to wait longer for his turn!

3. If he wants a bike, give money, a little a time, and tell him to save them for that bike. Of course you will be the one that will give him the present, but your child will learn to have patience and, at the same time, the value of money. Teach him to allocate a portion of his weekly allowance for the bike.

4. Read to him thick books and long stories, leaving to follow-up for the next evening. Do not give in to his pleads to find out the ending in the same evening. This will not only develop his patience, but will also build up his love for reading as well!

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19
Jun 11

Adoption Basics

Couples who are trying to adopt often become discouraged and disheartened when they hear how difficult and extensive the adoption process can be. They often hear stories of how couples wait for years to be approved and finally achieve their dreams of having a child of their own. If you are considering adoption, do not be swayed or become discouraged from such rumors that you may hear. These days, people of all lifestyles and backgrounds are routinely considered for adoption and can have a child of their own.

With so many different types of children who need loving homes, before you begin the adoption process, you will need to figure out which type of child you would like to adopt. Do you want an infant or would you like to adopt an older child? There is also the race of the child to consider, as well as perhaps a special needs infant.

Some of those choices may depend on whether you decide to adopt domestically or internationally. Domestic adoption refers to adopting a child within the United States, while international adoption occurs when you adopt a child from a foreign country. If you decide to adopt domestically, you will have to know and understand your state’s adoption laws; it may be beneficial to hire an attorney well-versed in domestic adoption. The same goes for international adoption; there are adoption agencies that specialize in international adoption. It would be wise to use such an agency so you have a clear and definite understanding of the adoption laws and regulations of the country from which you are adopting.

Before you sign on with any agency or attorney, make sure to do your homework! Research all the agencies within your area that meet the specifics you are looking for. Request any literature they may provide (brochures, handouts, etc.) that will give you an idea of the services and how well they can meet your wants and needs. Another great idea may be joining an adoptive parent support group, whether in person or online. It can be very therapeutic and beneficial for you to connect with others who understand the situation you are in.

Once you have narrowed down your selection to just a few adoption agencies or attorneys, you need to ask for references of previous clients and check them. This will give you an idea of the service they provide. Anything negative you may hear from such references should definitely be a red flag. You should also check for complaints against the agency. You can never be too careful when you are making such an important decision that will have a major impact on your adoption experience.

Once you have begun the adoption process and you come across a child that you are considering, you need to ask all the right questions. For instance, inquire about the child’s health, social background, the health (physical and mental) of the birth parents, and any early life experiences they may have had if it is an older child you are considering. The more you know and learn about the child, the better prepared you will be and the more smooth the transition will be for the both of you.

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18
Jun 11

How to Develop Your Child’s Speaking and Writing Skills

Yes, if you want your child develops fluency in speaking and writing, what better way there is than to immerse him to a rich environment where the language– which you want him to learn– is used.

Those who have had exposures to rich background, say, they have immersed themselves to the language while they were still in their learning peak–2 to 5 years of age–chances are they could have developed the right patterns of learning a language or two, and gaining mastery in the process.

Effortless use of the language–or fluency– in speaking and writing, later develop in astronomical heights. Here are steps to help your child attain mastery of the language — and prepare him to various opportunities later.

1. Expose your child to rich learning environment. Language tapes for listening and viewing are good starting point. Introduce the materials. Develop the habit for the child to go about it on his own pace. Speaking must be coupled with writing. He should not be learning the spoken, but the written word as well.

2. Immerse him to actual environment where language is used as way of communicating. According to Lev Vygotsky: a child has a black box in his brain recording all the learning and then effortlessly using them in his own communicative tasks. Make sure scaffolding is provided when some inconsistencies are encountered. And a mature guide, or adult must be the one doing it in subtlest way possible.

3. Books, newspapers, news on TV, internet and the like can be great avenues in developing fluency in speaking the language. Once a child knew the importance of these resource materials for his attaining mastery of the language he would voraciously absorb everything within his reach.

4. Positive reinforcement, say, a pat on the back, a praise and the like, could really make wonders. Why not lavish him with all these feel-good comments or gestures and be amazed by the magic it could create to his learning?

5. Modeling. Yes, parents could be the best guide for a child’s language mastery. Make sure that you are using the language, both in speaking and writing, superbly. Or else, the output would be unsatisfactory.

Yes, helping your child gain competence in using the language needs your utmost support by providing him all the necessary resources. It only takes a matter of a little creativity! And, your child will use the language– naturally!

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18
Jun 11

Protecting Your Child From The Child Custody Fallout

When dad and mum decide that they can no longer continue living together, this does not of course mean that either of them loves their children any less. In fact, separation or divorce tends to deepen the love parents have for their son or daughter, and it brings out the protective instincts in both parents.

Because of this though, the children can also become convenient weapons, used by one partner to injure the other. The tragedy, of course, is that this tends to harm the daughter or son even more than the parents!

If your principal concern is really for the well-being of your children, you must safeguard yourself from day one of your marriage breakdown, to avoid criticizing or making deprecating statements about your ex in front of your little one.

Niggling away at your estranged partner through little payback comments that are difficult to challenge becomes painfully obvious to your children after a while, and such grievances only serve to extend the battle with your estranged spouse.

Be the adult in the situation, so that your child, and only your child, gets to be the child.
Countless times, hurt parents succumb to the temptation to take a shot at their former spouse by returning kids a little later than arranged, thus making a point of rights, or they calculatingly change arrangements at the last moment, just to stay on top in the pay-back stakes.

Once you have formally ended the relationship, you need to let go of the desire to hurt your former partner for the pain you have experienced together. If something seems unreasonable, discuss this with your estranged partner and don’t let it build up, and be sure to get rid of the, “this is so typical of you” tone, especially when in front of the children.

When your child goes back to the other parent, they should not have to bear the burden of hearing about how the other begrudges their behavior, potentially destroying what should have been a positive time with the other parent.

Do not forget that while you might begrudge having to be involved with your estranged spouse for the rest of your child’s life, you are expected to fulfill the responsibilities that have been born of that stage in your life that you spent together. Your little one should not have to bear the cost for that.

Remember that a psycho-emotional level, you are both a fundamental part of your child’s self image. You pull to pieces that identity when you put down your ex, as you not only create conflicting loyalties within your child, but also unconsciously destroy the view they have of themselves, which in younger years is inseparably linked to their understanding of their parents.

It will every time be in the best interests of your children to have the unconditional love of both mom and dad, and the working through of a difficult custody agreement must be directed by the thoughtful actions of the adults involved. Relieving your daughter or son of the weight of dislocation, and helping them to preserve their connection with both parents is generally the best you can do for a child.

Managing your anger and moving beyond your personal exasperation with your former partner can be one of the best things you can do for your son or daughter. For ultimately, you do want your child to learn that sometimes marriages do come to an end and that things do get tough, but that, in the end, they can turn out ok! This is what spirit is all about and nurturing this in your child has always got to be in your children’s best interests.

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