My family knows that I hold honesty as one of our core family values. I often talk with my kids about our family values and why we believe in them. I have always had a rule that if a child confesses to something the consequence will be much less than if they tell a lie to cover it.
But yesterday Sam decided to put me to the test by telling a lie. Now I’m sure it wasn’t a lie in his mind. Nevertheless he told me an untruth. He said that he missed the bus to school sports because his teacher kept him in at lunch time.
On phoning his teacher I found out the whole story. Yes, he was kept in at lunch time for a few minutes but he still had time to catch the bus to sports. He had walked up to the bus with a mate and then decided that he would rather go to basketball instead of soccer. So he had taken off without even telling a teacher where he was going.
I felt disappointed that Sam had told me a lie. He had actually come home from school grumping about the teacher that had made him miss the bus, when in reality it was nothing to do with the teacher. He had made bad choices that day and thought it would be easier to blame someone else for his choices rather than take responsibility for his actions.
Now here’s the thing: we cannot control what our kids say or do. But we can and should be in charge of what we do about it. And this where the kids learn to do things differently next time.
When Sam gets home from school today I am going to tell him a story about a child who tried to blame everyone else for his mistakes. I want Sam to think about what he would do if he was the parent. Sam is thinking right now that he has done nothing wrong because he is trying to justify his actions. So I want to get him thinking about how we can change things.
It is often a good idea to create a story out of it and bring the child in as a third party. This way the child doesn’t feel like you are attacking them personally. I hope I am explaining this properly for you. When a child doesn’t feel threatened they are more likely to hear what you are saying and take notice.
Anyhow, we will talk this afternoon. My objective is to help Sam realise that he must take responsibility for his own actions without trying to blame anyone else for his poor choices. If I can get him to see that, then I have done my job in this matter.
The end result is that Sam will be getting a consequence. I want to show him that he made a bad choice. I might ban him from the computer for a day or two, just long enough for him to be annoyed and perhaps think about why he was banned. I want him to feel motivated to change his actions the next time and learn from this incident.
Parents, you have a chance to choose what your family’s core values will be. You should talk to your kids about them, encourage them and uphold them at all times. Your kids will thank you later on in life, you can be sure of that. So think about your core family values today.
Kim Patrick is a single mother with four children, living on the Sunshine Coast in Queensland, Australia. She is author of the book, “Get Your Child To Behave In 30 Days Or Less”. The book can be found at her web site: http://www.mychildcanbehave.com
Tags: promoting family values, promoting honesty, taking responsibility for actions