Posts Tagged: confidence

Parenting — Comments Off
17
Feb 11

Five Ways to Nurture Happy Children

Happiness is no laughing matter, although fun is certainly important. Research into well being suggests happiness is not a single emotion, but actually three layers of experience: physical pleasure, emotional satisfaction and personal achievement. All three need to be in balance to create well being.

Children need all three skills to make life satisfying:

?Knowing how to enjoy their senses and physical skills without becoming over dependent on pleasure

?Becoming confident learners without anxiety about criticism

?Forming strong relationships and enjoying companionship without fear of rejection

So how can you help your child develop a balanced and fulfilling life?

1) Don’t focus just on having a good time;

pleasure is not the whole story. When you eat an ice cream or go on a fairground ride the result is a rush of pleasure. It’s undeniably fun, but the effect is short lived. Children can enter a spiral of needing more and bigger experiences to satisfy them. When children demand more and more food; toys or excitement this can be a sign that all is not well in other areas.

2) Create opportunities for personal achievement;

children have a natural desire to explore and learn which makes personal achievement deeply satisfying. Make sure your child gets plenty of time to play because play is nature’s way of encouraging children to practise new skills. Play is highly motivating because happy hormones are released which create energy and keep children involved. Doing something in a playful way is completely captivating; children can concentrate for much longer. This intense concentration is what psychologists call “flow”. Doing something everyday which creates flow is a healthy counterbalance to more formal learning at home and at school.

3) Develop satisfying friendships;

your child’s well being will not be complete if their happiness is purely personal. Children need satisfying relationships, love and close friendships are essential, but children also need to know how to fit into a larger group.

4) Foster Emotional Intelligence which is central to well being.

EQ is the insight and practical skills which help us to understand other people and how to get along with them. Developing social skills is complex and continues throughout childhood. Children need wide social experience but also useful feedback.

5) Mentoring and support-

When adults oversee situations, children can develop their social skills step by step, with guidance and support. Having good adult role models at home and in the wider world shows children what is possible and how to both create good relationships but also how to repair them when things get tough. Children do also learn from each other but sometimes that advice is not so gently given. Everyone your child meets will contribute to their social learning. The old saying that it takes a village to bring up a child remains true in the 21st Century.

Holidays — Comments Off
12
Feb 11

Christmas Self Esteem – Giving the Gift of Self Worth, Self Confidence and Self Respect!

Self-esteem is the collection of feelings or beliefs that we have about ourselves. How we define ourselves influences our motivations, attitudes, and behaviors and affects our emotional well being. Self-confidence, great relationships, and a good shot at success in whatever you attempt is the prize for self esteem. Now is the time to think about your overall self appraisal of your own self worth, self-confidence and self respect and how this influences your children and others around you and what you can do about it this Christmas season.

Having healthy self esteem will produce:

- Armor against life抯 challenges

- Feeling good about yourself

- Find it easier to handle conflicts and negative pressures

- More realistic approach to life

?Will look for solutions and have the ability to move forward rather than get stuck.

- Generally optimistic and will enjoy life more

Low self esteem produces:

- Challenges becoming sources of major anxiety and frustration

- Harder to find solutions to problems

- Produce critical thoughts such as 慖抦 not good enough? 慖抦 not loveable? 慖 always do things wrong? 憂obody cares about me?/p>

- Will belittle oneself for weaknesses rather than accept them eg. will say 慖抦 an idiot?rather than say 慖 don抰 understand?/p>

- Produce a passive, withdrawn or depressed state

- distorted perceptions of life

- can see temporary setbacks as intolerable and permanent

- a sense of pessimism predominates

Give the gift of fostering healthy self esteem in your child!

Know that low self-esteem begins in childhood and is the result of the actions and attitudes of significant older people around us. Don抰 program your children to feel less than wonderful about themselves. Here are a few great tips of how you can give and make a big difference:

  • Praise your child: especially for jobs well done and for their effort put in. Be mindful of your words, what you say and be truthful. Reward effort and completion rather than outcome. For example your child lost at basketball and didn抰 make the finals, say 憏ou didn抰 make the finals but I抦 proud of the effort you put in?rather than 憂ext time you抣l work harder and make it?
  • Be a positive role model & do not criticize even in jest. Ensure you develop and display healthy self esteem with your role modeling. You don抰 want your child to grow up mirroring adults with pessimistic or unrealistic expressions about abilities and limitations. For example, don抰 criticize find positive ways to address an issue. If you criticize chances are your child will grow up with a mate or boss who is constantly telling them what they do wrong because they have grown up believing it is ok for people to treat them that way and thus they allow it and attract it. Do not use demeaning nicknames in jest they are criticism and they damage self esteem.
  • Address irrational beliefs. It抯 important to not only identify unhealthy or inaccurate irrational beliefs but to redirect them. These beliefs may include issues around attractiveness, perfection and abilities. An example might be that your child is doing well at school generally yet is struggling with English. Your child might say things like 慖抦 not a good student?or 慖 can抰 do English? This is a generalization that is setting up the outcome for failure. You would redirect the child with something like 慪ou are doing well at school and you are a good student you just need to spend more time on the English subject and we can work on developing that?
  • Give spontaneous affection. Tell your child you are proud of him or her. Hug your child. Leave a note on their pillow 慖 think you抮e terrific?or 憏ou make a difference? A parent抯 love can support and boost a child抯 self esteem. Be mindful not to overdo it ?kids are good knowing when it抯 not honest.
  • Don抰 argue in front of your children. Exposing your child to repeated arguing and fighting may cause withdrawal and depression. Low self esteem will result from a child feeling unsafe or being abused at home. Respect your child by creating a safe, nurturing home environment.

Self esteem is not about bragging that you are the greatest or that you are perfect. Nobody is perfect but having healthy self esteem will result in you or your child knowing that you or he or she is worthy of being loved and accepted. Self esteem creates a belief in one抯 self and courage to try new things and the ability to make better choices about your mind and body rather than go along with crowd doing dumb or dangerous activities.

You抣l respect yourself even when you make mistakes because you will have a healthy and realistic view of your abilities and a situation. Because you respect yourself, others usually will too. Tips for gifting to yourself self esteem! You can help develop your self esteem, love and acceptance of yourself by focusing on the good things you do and all your great qualities. Here are a few suggestions that you can try to increase your self-esteem:

  • Choose your friends well. Choose to spend more time with people who help you feel good about yourself. Be in relationships that bring you up not drag you down.
  • Make a list of things you’re good at. It can be anything from cooking, sports, drawing, writing, singing or telling a good joke. Now add a few things to your list that you would like to be good at. Now make a plan as to how you could work on developing skills you will need to be good at what抯 on your list.
  • Give yourself a compliment a day. Find something you did during the day that was good. For example 慖 was a good listener today?or 慖 was a good friend to Johnny today?or 慖 made a good effort to complete my work today?strong>
  • Keep a journal of good things said about you. Studies have shown that people with low self esteem tend to forget or filter out information that counters ingrained negative beliefs. Having a journal your write down praise given to you will enable you to remember and acknowledge your real value.
  • Express gratitude daily. Before you go to bed every night think of at least one thing in your day that you are grateful for. It could simply your toothbrush because it gives you clean teeth and fresh breath! Start with small things and build on it each day.
  • Accept your body. Remind yourself that there are some things that are uniquely yours ? embrace them such as shoe size, skin color and height. Don抰 compare yourself with others just learn from them. If you are wanting a healthier body learn skills to improve your health and take up a physical activity. Acknowledge your body抯 strengths eg. I have strong legs, I can ride a bike really well.
  • Next negative thoughts and self critical remarks. Make a conscious effort to be aware of when a negative thought enters your mind. Stop it immediately and redirect yourself to healthier thoughts. Negative thoughts discourage and drag your self esteem down as does every time you make a self critical negative remark such as 慖抦 an idiot?you are reinforcing negative patterns in your brain that do not serve you.

Have a Self Esteem Christmas! Giving and Christmas always go hand in hand. So how about this Christmas you give self esteem as your gift this season! Here are a few suggestions:

- Send a self esteem Christmas card. Show your appreciation and thoughts by sending words of thanks, gratitude and acknowledgement of the person you are sending a Christmas card to in your greetings message. For example, thank friends for their friendship and smiling time spent together or if an employee, for their efforts and loyalty. The extra effort to acknowledge something personal and good about another goes a long way towards boosting anothers self esteem.

- Purchase self esteem presents. Think about your message and what kind of gift would go with it that would convey your words. Here are some examples – motivational books (to uplift and encourage) or a board games (great for sharing fun, smiles and memorable quality time together).

So now you know why you want to foster healthy self esteem in yourself and in your children and some tips to get you started. There is no better time to start than at Christmas, the time for giving and the time to give the life enhancing gift of self esteem!

Parenting — Comments Off
6
Jan 11

The Way You Raised Me

This is a story of two families who lived next door to each other and the way they raised their kids.

The Smith family lived next door to the Petersons in a nice neighborhood in New Jersey. Mrs. Smith and Mrs. Peterson both had sons that were around 3 years old. Eric Smith and Jerry Peterson.
The Smiths were really laid back and they believed in letting Eric just go wild and enjoy his years as a baby because they knew how fast things would change when little Eric grew up.

The Petersons were different, Mr. Peterson would always play with Jerry and talk to Jerry as if he was his buddy from work. They also would tell Jerry how great he was and how he could be anything he wanted to be when he grew up.

When Eric would come over to the Petersons to play with Jerry and the parents would have Ice tea and talk to each other about how their experience as parents is turning out.

The Smiths told the Petersons how Eric would always want them to read to him and how he would take markers and draw all over their freshly painted walls. It drove them crazy but they loved him so it was alright to them and they believed he would learn on his own.
The Petersons were shocked and said that they would let Jerry know that he was wrong for writing on the wall and that he should write on paper. Another thing the Petersons would do is come up with fun ways to get Jerry to complete tasks.

As the children got older, Eric was hard to control and stubborn and the Smiths didn’t know why when they gave him all the love he needed. Eric had all the toys he wanted, all the coloring books he wanted and they let him do almost anything he wanted to do.
Jerry on the other hand was now very assertive and he knew how to get the things he wanted. He was very obedient to his parents and he was smarter than all the other kids in his class.

The Conclusion To The Story is…

Children are like sponges and they learn very quickly when they are young. Eric received love and affection but he never received guidance. He was allowed to do whatever he wanted and that became a part of his personality as he got older. Jerry was brought up to believe in himself and was use to handling tasks because of the fun tasks he always completed as a child. When Jerry got older he was already achieving goals because that’s how he was brought up.

The lessons you teach your children when they are young will have an affect on their future.

Parenting — Comments Off
30
Aug 10

Praise With Impact

Praising and encouraging kids can be difficult for many people. It just doesn抰 come naturally. They are hard-wired for criticism rather than praise.

Some children, particularly boys, feel awkward receiving praise unless it is done carefully. It can be misconstrued as being manipulative and not genuine, particularly when it is simply a throw-away line. Praise can become meaningless for some kids unless it is done with a little thought and care.

There are three types of praise that have positive impact on children抯 (as well as adults? behaviour and self-esteem.

1. Descriptive praise: Throw a spotlight on the behaviours that kids do well. Rather than a trite 憌ell done?draw a word picture of what they did well and let them know its impact. Tell them what you see and how you feel. 揥ow. You have tidied the room really well and put everything back where it should be. It抯 a pleasure to come into the living room.? Such comments genuinely made become stored in their bank of skills and builds up their confidence.

Private praise is more effective than public praise for boys as they can become embarrassed being praised in front of their friends or relatives.

Use for: keeping house rules, changing poor behaviour (when combined with ignoring some of their poor behaviour)

2. Summary praise: Give your child a positive label to live up to by summing up their positive behaviours with one word. 揧ou really worked hard to finish your project. That抯 what I call persistence.?揧ou cleaned up the kitchen without being told. You are a self-starter.?Persistence and self-starter become part of your children抯 ICRS (Internal Character Reference System).
Use for: kids who lack confidence, kids of all ages but particularly those under 10 as they really use parents as reference points

3. Self-praise: Praise is always bit more powerful when it comes from yourself so allow children to brag a little. 揑 did that well.?揑 am really pleased with the way I did that.?揑 did the best I could.?揑 love the art I did at school today.?Teaching kids to self-praise can be a little tricky but you can start by asking them how they feel about their efforts. When you use descriptive feedback you actually show kids how to self-praise.

Some kids need to be cued regarding self-praise -揂re you pleased with yourself because you tried your best in the game??Encourage them to say they are pleased with themselves rather than just agree with you. This gets them in the habit of self-praise.

Use for: kids who always want your reassurance, use for children抯 efforts rather than behaviour

There are plenty of people in your child抯 life who are critical of them ?including their peers and maybe siblings. It is a parent抯 job to tell kids what is right about them, so spend a little time telling kids what you see and feel when they do something well. Make up positive labels that they can add to their Internal Character Reference Systems and encourage them to brag a little when they have done something well..

Parenting — Comments Off
16
Aug 10

Parenting – What You Do That Sabotages Your Child’s Success Without You Knowing It

This article is not meant for the weak of heart. It is for those few parents who really want to give their children real advantages and real self-esteem. It is written for those parents who are willing to look at how their parenting can unknowingly be harming their child’s self-esteem. It is written for those parents who want to help their child win, be happy and flourish.

Most parents think that they can influence their child’s confidence by giving their child lots of praise, but the real truth is what truly enables a child to learn what self-esteem and confidence is, is to watch a parent demonstrate it for them.

As a child, there is an unconscious learning process that takes place by observing parents and others, called modeling. It is when your child watches what you do and models the behavior you exhibit. Your child watches you all the time. In fact young children often imitate and emulate what it is their parents say and do, even the physical actions of that parent. By doing this they learn how to act, be and function in the world.

Your child is around your self-esteem level everyday, all the time and your child believes that how you feel about yourself is the standard in the world. If you put yourself down, your child learns to make negative self-comments too. If you are a complainer then chances are they are going to be a complainer too. If you have limited negative thinking this too is what they learn.

This is important to understand as a parent because every thought you think has a chemical feeling behind it. For example you think a happy thought and you feel happy. You think a sad thought and you feel sad. Are you teaching your child to have predominantly happy thoughts, sad thoughts, angry thoughts, or worrisome thoughts by your modeling it for them?

How your child habitually thinks will determine the outcome he has for the rest of his life or until your child intentionally changes it. Are you sabotaging your child’s possibilities because you have a bad attitude and unknowingly are teaching this bad attitude habit to your child?

You teach your children what attitude to have in the world by modeling your attitude for them. Is it time for you to change your thinking? Do you need an attitude adjustment? Are you positive and upbeat, so your children learn to be? Do you see opportunities so your children see opportunities? Do you worry about life and money modeling and teaching that behavior to your child? Do you have power thinking or do you have quitter mentality? Are you solution oriented or a “sky is falling thinker?” The term is “monkey see, monkey do.” I do not like the use of the word monkey, so, your child sees, your child does.”

Parenting — Comments Off
19
Mar 10

The Greatest Gift You Can Give Your Kids is Confidence

Confidence is a skill, it is a meta-ability and it is something which we think of as learned naturally through experience. Most people do not realize that it can also be learned intentionally, just as you can choose to learn to speak a different language, or sport, or anything else which is taught in schools. Confidence can also be learned at any age, although we tend to think that once we are older that we are stuck with “how we are” in terms of confidence.

When we are younger, our minds are like sponges, soaking up lessons and experiences alike, making sense of this sensory input and storing feelings and associated beliefs. In short, we make decisions about ourselves through such lessons and experiences. The question I often ask is why mental skills are not taught in schools? Because in learning how to be confident you will cope well with anything in life. It underpins subsequent experiences, because the reality is that we see in life what we expect to see. Our expectations create our reality. As you approach something with confidence, you expect to succeed and so this is what happens.

You may ask how such mental skills can be taught. You may argue that confidence is a feeling and not a mental skill. But everything in life begins with a thought. Thoughts are what create feelings and these in turn create the reality which you then experience. Because all this happens in the blink of an eye we are usually not aware that it was in fact a thought which started this ball rolling. Your underlying thoughts may be conscious but are more often rooted in the subconscious.

Therefore there is something else which underpins the learning and assimilation of mental skills which build confidence, and this is the ability to access one’s subconscious mind. When young, your subconscious mind is naturally open to suggestion and so you learn things easily; there is no barrier of preconceived ideas and beliefs which can so often get in the way of learning. When older one has to get past the critical aspect of the conscious mind and in effect “get out of your own way” in order to open your mind to new possibilities.

Hypnosis is a normal and natural state and allows access to the subconscious mind. Thus, no matter what age you happen to be, you can access your subconscious thought processes and change them easily and quickly.

There are many mental skills which together create a feeling of security and confidence. You can learn to step forwards, and fully experience a situation with confidence. You can learn to step back and dissociate from situations which would otherwise be uncomfortable. You can learn to mentally rewind past experiences and replay them in a different light. You can, quite literally, learn to “see things from a different angle”, or see things through “rose tinted spectacles”, you can learn to use your imagination to see pleasant movies in your mind’s eye instead of the horror movies we are prone to create!

Let’s elaborate a little here. Imagine that you are afraid of blushing or shaking when public speaking…your speech is two weeks away and you are working on it and each time you think about it images involuntarily pop into your mind. Are you more likely to see yourself smiling and happy and enjoying yourself, or shaking and sweating and stumbling over your words? This is what I mean by horror movies. And a picture is worth a thousand words in terms of the impact upon your psyche and subsequent feelings…and paves the way to a reality you just do not want to happen.

So now you can see the value in learning how to access your subconscious mind and picture what you DO want to happen instead of what you do not want to ensue. I’m sure you can think of many situations in which you would benefit from being able to control and direct your own mind, perhaps in taking your driving test, going for an interview, overcoming fears of spiders, lifts or flying. The list of things which you can direct and control, so long as you have learned the relevant mental skills, is innumerable.

The most important thing in life is confidence. With confidence you can achieve anything. You can access hypnosis downloads to create a real feeling of confidence (and pave the way to success) easily and inexpensively. I appeal to you, don’t just buy the latest trainers and fashion items for your kids; Buy them real and lasting confidence and therefore pave the way to their success with hypnosis confidence downloads.

Roseanna Leaton, specialist in hypnosis downloads for hypnosis confidence.

With a degree in psychology and qualifications in hypnotherapy, NLP and sports psychology, Roseanna Leaton is one of the leading practitioners of self-improvement. You can get a free hypnosis download from the website and peruse her extensive library of hypnosis downloads for hypnosis confidence.