Posts Tagged: parent

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6
Jun 11

CEO Parents – Heads-of-Household

In the family unit, you have the head-of-household, which should always be thought of as heads-of-household or considered to be and synonymous to CEOs or CEO Parents. Run your family like loving, caring, and generous CEOs because CEOs always are paid in the end.

I make this distinction from a simple comparison of the job of a CEO in building and growing a company and the job of parents in raising a family. Both have highly important jobs that demand a lot of their time, skills, and knowledge. Therefore, in a traditional business, the CEO’s duty and goal is to forge a path for a company that will lead to profits and growth for that company. The success or failure of the company lies primarily on how well the CEO did his or her job in charting a viable, lucrative path for the company.

In contrast, in the family unit, the parents should consider themselves as CEO Parents running and building the hardest, most time consuming, and most important business in the world – the raising of a family. Raising a family is a life long endeavor with many rewards and benefits that are so valuable and priceless. It should be rewarded a million times over. However, raising a family successfully and seeing your children do the same should be rewarding enough most people would say.

As CEO Parents, you are in charge of charting a course for the family that must provide for the family, grow the family, and secure the family. The success or failure of the family (failed parenting) lies with how well you, as parents, charted and navigated your course in the sea of family life.

Family Financial Security

CEO Parents, as providers, are continually tasked whether consciously or unconsciously with providing the family with financial security. Among the CEO Parents there must be a consortium which should be the foundation ensuring the financial security of the family.

When two people marry, in the vows it states “… for rich or poor…,” this statement alone when said is said with your hand on the bible and your right hand up which is your adjuration to your family’s financial security or the lack there of. Most parents begin fulfilling this oath with getting a job. This is only a start to a family’s financial security and that is where most parents stop in their quest for financial security. The reasons for this are many but more commonly are the lack of education and knowledge in the areas finance and investing coupled with the perceived lack of opportunities. However, some may say there is no real lack of opportunities just the fear to see the value of the opportunity and never take ownership of the opportunity. In addition, there are those who do take ownership of an opportunity but fail to believe in the opportunity.

Family Income

Building the family’s income, as CEO Parents, you are solely the chief bread winners for the family and with this reality CEO Parents should seek out lucrative opportunities that are most likely to increase the family’s income significantly if not marginally. Refusing to evaluate an opportunity simply because it sounds too good to be true. In the long run it hurts you more because when the right one comes along and you choose not to own it because it sounds too good to be true you will have missed your proverbial ship that came in or better yet passed by.

Increasing the family’s income should begin with the building of the CEO Parents core belief system, support system, and education on self-improvement. These are key areas that will help and sustain you in your quest for increasing your family’s income significantly. The opportunities for CEO Parents as well as anyone are all around you but you have to be open and willing to take risks to take a commanding ownership of the right opportunity for you and your family.

Family Taxes

As CEO Parents your taxes are a big part of the family’s income and the income you keep to improve your family’s financial security. Your job in this area must be that of finding viable and legal ways to pay fewer taxes. One way is to create or find ways to take more deductions.

Jennifer Openshaw as excellent programs, courses, information, and the family financial network to help guide you as you embark on the journey of increasing your tax deductions. In addition, we must not over look one of the best and quicker ways of taking more tax deductions in to start a home-based business and make it a family business with everyone involved. The many deductions you can take should be discuss. For information on what Robert Kiyosaki said about this opportunity at http://www.smi.buildlastingsuccess.com. Great opportunities are abundant if you dear to seek them out and to take ownership in them.

Family Entertainment

Successful CEO Parents incorporates family entertainment into their family unit. By doing so, it provides quality time and gives the family members a sense of being a real family. This is why it is essential for a family to sit down at the dinner table during supper and eat supper together as a family. Going out as a family to have fun at the movies, at plays, concerts, or whatever you see fit to do as a family strengthens the family bond. It is these moments that are so remembered and treasured the most.

Family Lifestyle

CEO Parents should seek to give their children a better lifestyle than they have have had and this is the case with most parents. This has been a dream of parents for many generations and it will continue to be. With that said, CEO Parents makes lifestyle improvements one-step at a time by educating themselves, improving themselves with self-improvement books, seminars, and information. This lays the foundation for you to provide a better lifestyle for your family.

Next, you begin to search for the vehicle that will provide your family the monetary fuel that will fuel your family’s lifestyle. Sure, I know that the internet is enamored with cons, sex a fenders and unscrupulous people and so is the world outside the internet but that should never deter or hinder your pursuit for a better lifestyle for you and your family.

A way to measure whether you are providing your family a better lifestyle is by the type of vacations you are able to take with your family members. These are vacations where you and your family are there to enjoy each other, the amenities, and the activities while on vacation. These will serve as invaluable memories for generations to come. One of your personal goals may be to travel and visit every country in the world and by being or becoming CEO Parents; you can make this a reality and achieve this goal with your family. It is like giving your children the world while giving them the chance to experience the world unlike most people who are not able to do so. CEO Parents makes it happen while most average parents merely seek to provide just a living, a survival if you will for their family. You often hear average and poor parents say that this is the best that they can do, but is it really. A change in their thinking and core beliefs and values is the key in changing and improving their lifestyle. Well, a change in their income (an increase that is) is a big factor as well. However, the change in their core beliefs and values will sustain them in bettering their income and lifestyle.

Family Security

CEO Parents as well as other parents wants to provide the most security for their family. Usually this consists of buying the most life insurance, home insurance, and medical insurance they can afford for their family. Initially, this is very good but is this enough. These insurances may provide the needed coverage and funds whenever a disaster befalls them. However, what insurance is going to cover them or protect them from a legal disaster? It is far better to have something in place before hand than protect and prevent legal disasters that have the potential to leave a family financially bankrupted. The service and opportunity is readily available to you and it has been around for years. You either have never heard about it or have never seen it, or you have heard of it but you did not believe in it enough to add the service to your family’s security portfolio. However, the need in America for legal services has grown and it is still growing by leaps and bounds. Therefore, I urge you to be the type of CEO Parents that realize the need to have access to legal services in your back pockets, seeing the value of having this access to legal counsel at unheard of prices in the industry. In addition, to taking a commanding control of the service and opportunity, you hold a steadfast belief in it while taking an unbelievable ownership of it.

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8
May 11

When You Don’t Like Your Kid’s Friends

Sometimes you simply do not like your kid’s friends. They may not have the look, the attitude, or the demeanor you want your children to associate with. Maybe they are controlling. Maybe they are manipulative. Maybe they are making your child act ways that they normally do not act. So what can you do when you do not like your kid’s friends?

When to step in and when to step back: The first thing you have to recognize is that even though you may not like your child’s friends, it is not entirely up to you who they hang out with. So, as a parent, you are not to decide if you like the friend or not, but whether or not the friend is going to be hurtful to your child. If they have a friend with punk rocker hair, and a few ugly piercings, it may appear like a bad idea, but sometimes it is the friend that looks normal that is encouraging your child to do drugs, defy you, cut classes, etc. So, evaluate how your child acts, and whether or not you should step in and forbid your child from seeing the friend or not. In many cases forbidding your kid from a friend can almost inevitably ensure that they will want to see them more. So, be careful about who you step in to keep your child from. In most situations friendships will run their course quickly, and will be over before you ever have to worry.

Are they a bad influence? Don’t be too quick to judge. Don’t ask if they look like a bad influence, but if they are one. A boy with long hair and a leather jacket may look like a bad influence, but actually be quite the kid. So, do not judge by appearances only, and do not be too quick to judge.

Pay attention to what is going on with your child: The best way to know if you should do something about your kid’s friends is to monitor your child.

The following three areas will help:

Behavior. Are they acting normal? Are they more defiant? Are they more flippant? Are their actions more selfish? If so, chances are they are getting influence from a friend that is not good.

Grades. Are their grades staying up? Do their grades reflect their normal school habits, or have they fallen? Often a sign of a friend who is a negative influence is falling grades.

Attitude. How do they treat you? How do they treat their siblings? What kind of attitude do they have?

Make your home somewhere they want to hang out: If you do not like your kid’s friends, the best thing you can do is monitor their interactions as much as you can without being a controlling parent. Do this by making your home a fun place to hang out. Make it somewhere kids want to spend time, so that when they do hang out, it is in your home.

Sometimes, you simply have to forbid your child from someone because it is bad for them to be around them.

What to do when you are forbidding them from specific friends:

Stay calm, stay logical. If you shout, then things get out of control, so don’t shout, and don’t let them shout at you. Also, be sure that you are specific. You have to give reasons why you do not like someone, and how it affects your child. For example, do not say “They smell like smoke.” As how they smell does not affect your child’s well-being. But, “You are getting harder to reason with, and have a shorter temper.” That is a good way to show them what you specifically are having a problem with.

Help them replace their friend with something or someone else. If you do not like your kid’s friends, you can’t expect them to just give them up, you have to help them find something to replace it. Sign them up for a sport or activity they are interested in. Give them lessons, etc.

Or, Wait it out! Sometimes your child’s own best judgment will aid them in the end.

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8
Apr 11

Staying at Home or Working – Which is Best for You

Most mothers struggle with the question of whether to stay at home with their children or work. If you抮e trying to make that decision, you know that it can be very difficult, because there are advantages and disadvantages to both sides. Here are some things to consider when making your decision.

Can you afford to stay home?

This one seems obvious, but the question requires consideration. There are costs associated with working, such as child care, gas, wear and tear on your car, clothing, lunches and parking. Deduct these expenses from your paycheck and see what抯 left. Next, look at other expenses you can cut. Would it be worth it to you to cut back on vacations and luxuries like cable television if it meant you could be home? If you didn抰 have a commute to work, could you settle for a less expensive car? Once you抳e examined all the alternatives, you can make a better decision about how staying home will affect you financially.

Will you be happy at home?

Some women stay home because they feel like it抯 the best thing for their children, even though they are personally much happier working. If you are unhappy at home, this will have a negative effect on your children, so you shouldn抰 force yourself to stay home if it isn抰 where you want to be.

Will you be miserable if you go back to work?

Conversely, mothers who truly want to be home with their children, but go to work each day just because the paycheck is a necessity are not getting the best from their life, either. If you fall into this category, maybe it抯 time to examine a career alternative that might be a good compromise. Could you cut your hours? Could you telecommute at your present job, or find a job that would allow you to work out of your home? Fortunately, today抯 employers offer more alternatives in hours and work environment that make balancing your work and home life a little easier.

Remember that the decision you make is not necessarily permanent. Your financial situation could change, as could your personal preferences about working. I have personally done it both ways, and neither is a walk in the park. They are just hard in different ways, and which one works better for you is mostly a matter of your own personal style.

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16
Mar 11

Is it a Child? Is it an Adult? No it’s an Adolescent

I have been working with Teenagers for over 35 years. I learned my trade initially by study, which gave me an outline and which then was filled in and enhanced by the years of working directly working with them. I still find adolescents the most invigorating, challenging and often perplexing anthropogenic species that I have encountered.

The following is about one area which perplexed me for some time.

I have seen families where everything seems to be fine. There is plenty of love and time for the children, there are rules and boundaries, the family do exciting things together but they still manage to encourage the children to have individual interests and plenty of their own time with friends. They even have regular meals sat around the table together.

As the children get older they face the normal range of difficulties often experienced in families with teenagers, such as them becoming less cooperative, moody, room is a mess, coming in late etc… The issues are coped with, family life is still reasonable and life continues in a positive if tiring vein. The teenager is doing more things with his or her friends and parents are becoming taxi drivers and have to keep retuning the car radio to the stations that they prefer. Parents deal with the wishes to change of hair style or colour, tattoos, body piercing and changes in clothing style, staying out later etc… The good resolution of conflict and disagreement is common. Life may not be as harmonious as it was but it is still reasonable, with the parents understanding that this is all part of the 慻rowing up?process.

Then, often quite suddenly, war breaks out. The reasonable teenager becomes totally uncooperative, discussions take place at shouting level, direction and even offering advice becomes a no go area. They stop telling where they are going, they come in late, they refuse to eat with the family, they seemingly challenge everything that the parents say, they cease to understand the word 憂o? Parents feel that they are loosing control and that their nice child has become a monster. However at the same time, they are amazed and confused when parents of their teenage friends praise them for their polite and likeable teenager and wish that their own child was like theirs. Moreover the school is not reporting any problems.

What is going on? Are the parents of their teenage friends just being pleasant to hide their horror of your own child? Does this monster of a teenager hate its parents so much that they are trying to cause as much pain as possible? Are they going mad? Are they on drugs? Do the parents have such poor parenting skills that they are causing the problems?

To understand what is may be contributing to situations like this we need to look at the different but natural and necessary processes going on in the backgrounds of both the parents and the adolescent. Good parenting enables the child to grow from a helpless baby to an independent adult who is able to take charge of his or her own destiny. The parents will have to the best of their ability and resources, loved, fed and nurtured, clothed and educated. They will also have endeavoured to protect their child from harm, and often there will be a very strong desire for their child to do well at everything. For most parents this is a natural process, which comes from their inherent genetic makeup which has been informed from their own upbringing and life experiences.

During adolescence the teenager will be experiencing many changes both physical and emotional. At times they will be growing faster than at any time in their lives; puberty will be arriving, causing a range of major physical and emotional changes. Most will be facing pressures to achieve at school and they are being pushed to make decisions that will affect their future. They will be facing pressure from peers to dress or behave in a particular way. The adult commercial world will be exerting its pressures to convince them that their cloths and products are 慶ool?so every discerning teenager needs them and in fact there is something wrong with them if they don憈 follow the fashions.

All of this is pointing the teenager towards adulthood; adolescence is the stage between being a child and becoming an adult. We know that in the UK adulthood starts at 18, but when does it really start? When are teenagers able to make informed and responsible decisions about what they do and how to conduct themselves? Understanding this may help parents to develop strategies to reduce the sort of conflict described earlier.

Unfortunately there is no one defining point when childhood ends and adulthood begins. For instance look at a 16 year old; because of the parents?instinct to protect their offspring they will probably see them as a child. My own son is 35 and a very successful businessman, I still worry about some of the decisions that he makes. The 16 year old will see himself as an adult not needing anybody to monitor what he is doing, at that age my son felt himself able to make life decisions much more appropriately than his parents who were from a bygone age.

The truth is a 16 year old is neither child nor adult, more childlike in some areas more adult in others. So life is confusing and often made worst by conflicting responses from parents and other adults such as teachers. 慡top acting like a child? 憂o you can抰 stay out after ten. 慦hy don抰 you grow up? 憂o you can抰 wear those cloths? 慦hy don抰 you take more responsibility for yourself? 憂o you can抰 spend your own money on a motorbike?

The adolescent抯 time clock is telling them that adulthood is near which produces yet another confusion. Their emotions are saying yes, I want to be part of this adult world but it feels much safer to stay where I am. When you add the pressures of adolescences to its physical and emotional turmoils you begin to see why some teenagers start to attack, rebel or retreat.

So parents, if you want to avoid total war with your teenage offspring remember that your ultimate task is guide them into adulthood by gradually reducing control and allowing them to learn from the mistakes that they will make, be there to help them pick up the pieces and move forward again. Support and encourage, try not to inhibit. Allow them to flounder and then help them back onto their feet. Override your need to protect them from all harm and allow them to grow through experience. They will still need clear boundaries, but have the courage to negotiate new ones with them. If they abuse these, have the courage to implement the penalties for such misdemeanours. You have the right to say NO but please give reasons for refusing the request. Remember that following rules is an essential skill that they will need throughout their lives.

Protecting your children is one of the most powerful emotions that parents experience, at times it is so powerful that unconsciously some parents try to slow the progress of their teenagers into adulthood as a way of delaying the 慼aving to let go? If teenagers are enabled to reach adulthood by enjoying their adolescence they will grow into more confident adults and probably end up having better relationships with their parents.

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5
Mar 11

Parents of Children With Special Needs – Getting Ready For the School Year

Getting ready for the new school year starts earlier when you have a child with special needs. There are so many things to plan ahead for, and people to coordinate with. You’ll need to start preparing your child, too. It can all feel overwhelming — and if you’re like many parents of children with special needs, it’s tempting to put off back-to-school preparations until the first day is just days away. The resulting last-minute flurry of phone calls, errands, and meetings can be exhausting!

This year, let’s make the back-to-school process easier. Our Action Steps will focus on simple things you can do now to make this the best transition to the new school year ever, for your child, your family, and you, too.

Today, it’s time to start getting the wheels in motion with the school itself — any logistics required to make sure everyone and everything is ready for your child in a few weeks.

Action Steps!

1. Brainstorm a list of everything that needs to happen with school between now and September. Get help from your spouse, significant other, a friend who has a child in the same school/program. Depending on your child’s age and abilities, include your him or her as much as possible in this brainstorming step, too.

2. Highlight anything on your list involving a phone call.

3. Start making those phone calls now. Top priority should be given to any call involving scheduling an appointment or a meeting. Calendars fill up fast this time of year!

4. As you set dates and times for appointments and meetings, make arrangements for any childcare you’ll need.

5. Look over your list from step 1 and circle anything else you need to get started on now.

Now let’s focus our Action Steps on preparing your child for the new school year – and preparing your family for the transition to a new daily routine. My top recommendations:

1. Bring your child to the school. If your child is new to the building, introduce him or her to anyone available, such as the school nurse, administrators, office staff, custodians. If possible, make arrangements in advance for your child’s teacher(s) to be there when you visit.

2. Tour the building with your child, even if they’ve been going to this school for years. It helps get them into the school-year mindset, and also helps remind them where things are – like the doors, bathrooms, cafeteria, gym, nurse’s office, and if possible, their new classroom(s). If your child is older, it’s a good idea to get their locker number and let them practice opening it a few times.

3. Depending on your child’s age and abilities, allow him or her to practice self-advocacy skills. Encourage your son or daughter to ask questions, tell teachers and staff about their classroom needs, and discuss any problems that need to be taken care of before the first day of school, such as a stuck locker, a blocked wheelchair ramp, or a malfunctioning sound system.

4. Get the whole family back on a school-year schedule gradually. Start moving up dinnertime, bedtime, and wake-up time — so the first day of school won’t be such a shock! You might also want to have your children help you make a morning checklist (use pictures if your child isn’t reading yet) to help them remember everything they need to do on a school morning after they wake up. I also highly recommend having a “Don’t Forget” list posted by the door, with key items like backpack, books, lunch, and of course, a smile!

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1
Mar 11

Parents – How to Keep Your Child From Becoming a Victim of Bullying

It’s all over the news again. A child has suffered a horrible act of violence at the hands of another child in an act of bullying at its worst. Why do some children fall prey to such acts of violence against them while others seem to escape this experience? I believe that on some level, the children who suffer such violence feel like a victim in their lives. And when they feel like a victim, they project this “victim energy” out into the world, which can attract these experiences.

What does it mean to feel like a victim? It means to feel powerless and fearful about some aspect of your life. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you feel powerless about everything in your life, or that you feel that way all of the time. But if more often than not you are feeling powerless to change a given situation, you begin drawing experiences to you that match how you are feeling. In the case of bullying, feeling like a victim means you are more susceptible to a bullying experience.

I am not saying that the victim is responsible, or that the bullying behavior is in any way condoned because there are “victims” walking around out there. The person who commits the act of bullying is in every way, fully responsible and should be held accountable for their actions. But it is a fact that people who carry around victim energy are more likely to be targeted.

Being a victim or feeling like a victim is a learned response to life’s circumstances. The good news is that this habitual, learned response can be unlearned. We can teach people how NOT to be a victim. There are teachers who teach physical skills to avoid becoming the victim. But we can also teach kids emotional skills to avoid becoming the victim, and that is what I am talking about here.

Children that project this victim energy often don’t realize what they are doing, and without this awareness, they are powerless to change. They first need to become aware of how they are feeling, and once that awareness is there, they then need to know that they can improve the situation by changing how they are feeling. As parents, we need to help our children gain this awareness over their emotions.

Let’s take a look at 3 steps you can follow right now that can bully-proof your child and help them shift out of “victim” mentality.

1) Stop speaking like a victim. Saying things like “she made me feel sad” or “he’s making me mad” gives all of the power to the other person. No one can “make” us feel a certain way unless we give them permission to do so. Catch yourself or your child speaking like this, and then turn around the statement. Instead of “he’s making me mad”, encourage your child to say “I feel mad” or “I choose to feel mad”. This puts ownership for your child’s feelings with your child. Practicing this more empowering way of speaking will, over time, give your child a feeling of power and control over his situation.

2) Know that a higher power is always there to help. It doesn’t matter what this higher power is to your family, but just the knowing that there is something greater than us, something that is all knowing and all powerful can give your child a great deal of confidence in her ability to stand strong in the face of challenges. If she feels like she will always be alright, that energy will emanate from her. Bullies don’t want to struggle; if they feel this strong, powerful energy coming from your child (and they will feel it!), they will move on to someone else.

3) Find things to feel good about, and think about them often. There is always something to feel good about if you think about it. The more you think about and get into the “feelings” that these good thoughts evoke, the more good you will draw to you. It’s basic law of attraction stuff. Focus on good, attract good. Focus on fear; attract things to be fearful of. Shift the balance of good thoughts vs. fearful thoughts so that there are more good than fearful feelings going on, and everything around you will change for the better.

Ending bullying starts in our own little corner of the world. We need to manage our own thoughts and emotions first and build up a feeling of strength and power from within, and then help our children to do the same. From there, it’s a trickle down effect to all those we come in contact with until we reach a tipping point, so to speak, toward peace. I am reminded of the famous quote by Margaret Mead – “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.”

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22
Feb 11

The New Baby, And The Firstborn

Yes, the new baby IS going to stay forever.

No, we will NOT trade the new baby for a puppy.

No matter how excited your first child seems to be about the new baby, there will come a time when he or she decides that maybe a baby brother or sister was not such a good idea. It’s natural and normal, and it will pass, (though will occasionally come back again throughout the lives of all siblings).

All the preparations you made to help the first child adjust to the idea of a new brother or sister, are going to forgotten by the child the first time that the new baby interrupts attention that used to be reserved just for him, or her.

They will not remember how fun it was to pick out the name, or the toys, or the cute little clothes. They won’t recall how exciting it was to feel the baby move inside Mommy’s tummy, or to hold the new baby.

They will remember when they didn’t have to share their toys, or their room. They will recall when they got to sit on Daddy’s lap during a story, and when they didn’t have to be quiet all the time because there was no baby who might wake up.

Jealousy is natural for small children and for older kids too. There are ways to help the children cope with their feelings, and to feel better about sharing you, and their lives.

Make time just for the first child, when the new baby will not interrupt. Mom takes the older child for a walk, while Dad stays home with the baby, and take turns. This also gives the new baby undivided attention from each parent as well.

Share the acts of caring for the baby with the older child, let them pick out an outfit, or hold a bottle for the baby.

Talk to them about all the ways the baby makes the family stronger, and better. Such as that, every person in the family means that there is more love in the family.

Be patient, and understanding. Eventually the older child will not only accept their new sibling, but love the new baby too. The wanting a puppy, that never goes away.

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10
Feb 11

Parental Stress

Most parents, these days, do not spend adequate time in a calmed/relaxed state. They bustle around from job to job, appointment to appointment, running wild and not taking the appropriate time off to care for themselves. I’m not just talking about the super-busy single parents; this covers dual-partner families as well. The trend for couple-parented families is that they subconsciously double up the responsibilities and activities because there are two parental figures to help maintain; this puts strain on everyone in the family and leaves the parents drained, and without a release.

Many of us hold the myth that happy families are suppose to be free from stress. The norm is not exactly a house full of constant peace and tranquility; we may wish for it but it does not always happen this way. Every family has its good moments and good days, but the stress is inevitable. When the stress catches up with the household, the first ones tightly gripped by it are the parents. The realities of everyday life set in and create a bubble of angst around them. Most hide it, push it inside, and try to move on while others extend it outward and reflect it upon others in the family.

Parents receive the blunt end of most deals when it comes to stress. They run the household, care for the bills, meals, maintenance, work, school issues, decision-making, scheduling and planning, and the main task of trying to keep the pace flowing smoothly around the home. With a single parent this is obviously rough stuff, but even with two parents it is still inevitably going to hit the rocks sometimes.

The best thing that parents can do for their families is to care for themselves, seriously. You care for the kids, your spouse, the pets, and even babysitting the neighbor’s kids sometimes too.But who takes care of you? If not you, then who? It is extremely important to keep your fuel levels topped off by caring for your own mind, body and spiritual life.

Take time-off (not necessarily from work) to give to yourself in a sense to fill yourself up with goodness so then you can over-flow in giving. You will have nothing to attribute to your family if you are depleted emotionally. Take time to do some of the things you enjoy. Read your favorite book, meditate, compromise on cooking and cleaning schedules, or start a hobby that rings your bell. Find your niches and make it a point to delve into it several times a month to keep your soul energized so that you can keep up with everyday demands in a productive and fulfilled way.

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29
Jan 11

Your Family, Your Future

Are you thinking of starting a family? If so, look around as you go through each day. By watching yourself make decisions, you can learn what sort of a parent you will be and what sort of template you will provide for your kids’ future.

To find out what you will teach your children, cast your mind back in time to your own childhood. What kind of house did you live in as a kid? Were you in the city or in the country? Were the nearest neighbors ten or twenty feet away, or down the street, or miles off? Were you often alone, or were there other kids around? How often did you move? Did one of your parents (or both!) work at home, or did both leave every day for a job somewhere else? Did you eat meals together as a family, share household chores, and have fun together? Did you get together frequently with relatives? What was your family’s routine like? Chances are that your family’s lifestyle became, in your mind, the gold standard-if not the ideal for your children, then the benchmark for your efforts as a parent and the scenario that will always feel most familiar (and therefore comfortable) to you.

Ask yourself more questions. How old were you when you first got a room of your own? What were the rules (if any) about use of the television or the computer? How did your parents feel about your schoolwork? Were grades important to them? Were grownups available to give you help when you needed it? Did they show up for your games and performances? Did you feel fairly treated?

If you remember crises during your childhood-sickness, death, or financial problems, for example-how were they handled? Did family members support each other when there was trouble, or did they hunker down silently and go it alone? Did people apologize to each other? What did it mean to “behave”? Do your answers to these questions look like votes for or against your parents’ practices? No matter what your present values are, you have probably defined them by reference to the ones you grew up with. Make an inventory of your values as they stand today.

Childhood also teaches us about roles. Think about your dad. Did he live with you or somewhere else? Did your parents separate during your growing up years? Did your dad make time for you? Did he teach you skills-hunting, fishing, how to fix things, or something else-that you regarded as important? Did he listen when you talked? Was he fun to be with? Did he seem to enjoy being a dad, or did he retreat behind a newspaper or alcoholic drink after a hard day’s work, emerging only after you had gone to bed? What about your mom?

How did your dad treat your mom and vice versa? Did they openly hug and kiss, or were they cool and aloof with each other? What happened when they disagreed? Did they work things out? Did they lash out verbally or physically? Did they treat each other respectfully, or did they seem to resent and needle each other? How did they divide up the tasks of earning money, running the household, and raising children? Do you remember viewing them as loving partners? If not, how did they appear to you?

As children grow up, they distill from their family-of-origin experiences principles that they internalize. Dad becomes the prototype of man, father, and husband; mom, of woman, mother, and wife. Children who grew up without a mom or a dad may find it harder to step into some of these adult roles.

Very young children see their parents as gods-so much so that when parents disappoint them, very young children tend to blame themselves: “If I hadn’t messed up, my dad would have spent more time with me.” From a child’s point of view, the alternative explanations-that problems happen for no reason or that grownups, including parents, sometimes behave badly-are often unthinkable.

If you can remember how you felt as a child learning about your immediate environment and the world, you will probably also remember believing that your parents’ attitudes, opinions, and values were normal. In this way your family of origin gave you the yardstick that you would use for the rest of your life as you set goals, pursued relationships, and created a family of your own.

Because all of us are more comfortable with the familiar than with the unfamiliar, in adulthood we all look for people and experiences that ring true with our upbringing. From our earliest memories, we see ourselves (and indeed everything) in relation to something else, in some kind of context. Relationships mold our attitudes in areas ranging from body image to talents and abilities to character and virtues. Our primary relationships with parents and siblings set the stage for our outlook and strategies later on and have lots to do with our success as adults.

There’s nothing wrong with this scenario, of course. Indeed, much about it is good. Children, like the offspring of other animals, learn by watching their elders. How could it be otherwise? When you become a parent, you can capitalize on this process-and the example you set will have everything to do with the example that your parents set for you, which in turn will owe much to the example that their parents set for them, and so forth, extending back through the generations.

I should add a word of caution here. I am not advising you to become any more of a slave to your offspring than you already are. I don’t want you to neglect yourself or devote yourself 24/7 to riding herd on your children, nagging them about table manners, homework, chores, and peer relations. Actually I regard these things as secondary in importance.

The most important thing you can do is to show your children how to live in the world-not how to laugh or have fun (skills that come relatively easily for most of us) but how to do the tough stuff, such as cope with death, loss, crisis, anger, conflict, sadness, and adversity generally. Above all, your children need to see you taking good care of yourself no matter what happens.

I am asking the grownup parent you to see the guidance and discipline you give your children in a new light, namely in the context of your relationship with them. If you want your kids to mind you-to adopt your values and heed your directives-you will want to nurture the parent-child relationship in many different ways.

To see what knowledge and tools you bring to the job, check the database you compiled in childhood. Ask yourself these questions:

  • What sort of example did your mom and dad set as parents and as partners?
  • What values did they teach you to regard as important?
  • What did they do that influenced your behavior the most?
  • What is it like to remember your childhood? Was it a happy time in your life, or did you spend most of it feeling trapped and longing to escape?

Your memories will be the single most important resource on which you draw as a parent. Not only will they guide your choices, but they will inform the bond between you and your offspring, particularly as you seek to understand and empathize with your child’s feelings.

Parenting — Comments Off
16
Jan 11

Parenting Tips and Advice

Parenting: Which road do I have to take to rear a good child?

But this is just the starting preparation, as we all know that parenting is actually a life long worth of preparations.

THE PROCESS OF BEING A NEW PARENT

Not all this information can be processed in an instant by our brains in a day.

You must admit, that we tend to forget how it is to just relax and get stuck with our boring lifestyle and jobs.

This is the only path that will lead you to self-comfort most especially in those difficult situations that you are most likely to face in the future with your offspring.

PARENTING AS A NEVER-ENDING JOB

Wouldn’t we all? If you just happen not to know, that parenting is the hardest job in the world.

Parents are often times unappreciated and overworked.

This applies to whether you are just a first timer parent or already have several kids.

TEACH YOUR KIDS SELF-RELIANCE

I would make them have a fun childhood memories, or in a way heal your own emotional wounds by doing all of these to your children, you are interfering with your child’s development unconsciously.

Most of the time, it is out of you own desire for materialistic pressures, or to be liked, and sometimes fervent wish that your child may be spared of the things that you did not experience as a child, as an action you would want to do your best to give them nothing but the best of everything.

GET MORE COMPLIANCE IN NINE WAYS!

Why not use, It’s time to work on your homework now.

Let us say for example, when your child asks, Can I watch TV now? Is your initial response is, No.

You must always use positive communication.You have to try phrasing your request or command in a much positive way as opposed to a negative way.

MAKE MEMORIES WITH QUALITY FAMILY TIME

3) Design your dinner table to be a little more festive, avoid the usual setting of a bouquet of flowers.

Otherwise they will not want to even remember these times spent together, and this will easily be just an activity tat they don’t want to participate in.

There should also be no electronic games or cell phones while dining together (except for emergencies).

COMMON CHILD AND PARENT PROBLEMS

We never wanted to stand out like a dweeb or a sore loser to be jeered at.

A lot of the lessons now are all computerized, most probably your child is more adept in using a computer than you are.

Being a parent means that you may have some misgivings, that is just one part of it.

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