Posts Tagged: parents


15
Jun 11

Free Fun for Kids

Being a stay-at-home mother of 3 kids I constantly hear “We’re bored”, so I created a list of things we can do for no money (or almost no money). I’ve broken it down into 2 categories: inside and outside.

Inside Activities:

* Go on a treasure hunt – look for a missing sock or toy, or just hide something for them to find. You can even draw a map to find the treasure.

* Read a book – Go to your local library and check out a book then read it together. Talk about what happened in the story.

* Make a collage from old magazines, photos, junk mail, newspapers or anything else you have around the house.

* Play post office. Using some of the junk mail we all get pretend to send and receive letters. You can also write your own letter or draw pictures and pretend to mail them.

* Play store. Pretend to shop for groceries, clothes, or anything else you can think of. One person can be the salesperson and the other person can be the customer.

* Play restaurant. One person can be the waiter and the other person can be the customer. Pretend to take the order, prepare the food, serve the food and collect payment.

* Let the kids help you cook. Even the littlest kids can help pour or stir under your supervision.

* Watch a movie together. Check out one from your local library or rent one from a video rental store. Then break out the popcorn and enjoy the show.

* Play hot and cold. One person hides an object and the other has to find it. When the seeker gets close the are getting warmer and when they are moving away from the object they are getting colder.

* Start your own band. Use pots and pans for drums. Pizza pans, pot lids and wooden spoons work well also.

* Act out a story. Many people know Little Red Riding Hood or Three Little Pigs.

* Make a fort using pillows, blankets and sofa cushions.

* Put together a puzzle. You can also make a puzzle of your own by drawing a picture, cutting it into pieces, and then have fun putting it together again.

* Play dress-up. Let them wear your clothes, shoes and make-up.

* Have a picnic inside.

* Tell them a story. Your favorite trip, holiday, a funny event, etc.

* Color with crayons or color pencils. There are tons of site online to print out free color pages with every cartoon character you can imagine. Another option is draw your own pictures that tell a story.

* Get a cardboard box and let them play. Depending on the size it could become a car, house, space ship, train, castle, etc. Many grocery stores will give you boxes if you ask.

Outside Activities:

* Visit a local or state park.

* Visit a local playground. Many apartment complexes have playgrounds for their tenants which anyone can use unless it says for tenants only.

* Play tag – our favorite is freeze tag.

* Search for acorns, leaves, flowers, seeds, or four leaf clovers, etc. See who can find the most or find one first.

* Go for a walk in the snow.

* Make a snowman or snow family or anything out of snow. Check out my aunt’s site at http://www.snowart.org for really neat snow creations using food coloring.

* Watch the sunset in the evening or sun rise in the morning.

* Look for stars or planets in the night sky.

* Have a snowball fight.

* Search for tracks – squirrel, deer, dog, cat, people, bird, etc.

* Plant seeds and help them grow. One inexpensive way to get seeds is to get them out of pumpkins, watermelons, apples, cucumbers, peppers and then plant them outside or in a plastic cup.

* Visit friends or neighbors.

* Have a picnic outside.

* Go to the beach, a lake, a river and enjoy the view or go for a swim.

* Make mud pies.

* Play in a sprinkler or in a baby pool.

* Go for a walk.

* Rake leaves into a big pile and jump in.

Most kids just want to spend time with people who care about them. If you include them in some of what you do each day it will help them learn about this great, big world around them.


12
Jun 11

A Birthmother’s Perspective On Adoption

Little girls spend a lot of time dreaming of finding their soul mate and building a family. For some, their dream does not come true due to life circumstances. Many of them do not have the financial, emotional, or physical stability to care for themselves let alone a child. Recognizing they have this instability, these women turn to adoption professionals to help them find a more stable family for their child. If they do choose to place their child with an adoptive family, they become known for the rest of their life as the birthmother. This choice changes their life forever and can be incredibly painful and hard to go through, but with the right amount of support and determination to make it work; this can be something that improves the life of not only her child, but herself as well. The following is the story of a birthmother who, in her opinion, changed her life for the better through a positive adoption experience.

Michelle found herself in a similar situation seven years ago. She was in her late 20’s, living with a dysfunctional boyfriend and very little family support. At the same time, suffering from low self-esteem also made it difficult for Michelle to focus on moving her life moving in a positive direction. That all changed the second she saw the positive result of the home pregnancy test. Michelle knew what she was going to do : place the baby for adoption.

Making the decision to place the baby for adoption was Michelle’s first step to becoming the healthy person she always wanted to be. The next step was to announce her decision to family, friends, and co-workers; individuals who she hoped would support her through this life altering experience. Her family was shocked to hear about the pregnancy and her adoption plan, but did offer the support she needed. It was the negative reaction from friends and co-workers that surprised her. Michelle says, “Many of my friends and co-workers thought it was wrong for me to place my baby for adoption. I couldn’t see how I could keep the baby considering the state my life was in at that time.” This reaction was Michelle’s first exposure to the public’s negative perception of adoption and birthmothers. It did dampen her spirit, but did not cause her to question her decision. She knew that decision was changing her life for the better. Those reactions led her to seek support from an experienced birthmother and a social worker who still have a positive impact on her life today. This new found support helped Michelle select an adoptive family, and more importantly process her feelings of attachment to the baby before and after the birth, as well as the adoption. Until this experience, Michelle says, “I had never been sure about anything in my life.” It gave her the confidence to change careers and find her soul mate. This change led her to marrying her soul mate, opportunities to live in other countries, and becoming a healthy biological mother.

Michelle has not met the adoptive family selected for her child, but has exchanged emails, gifts, and pictures with them over the years. The exchanges, she says, “Has allowed us to develop an amazing and beautiful, relationship.”

When asked what Michelle wanted the public to know about birthmothers, she responded by saying, “There is dysfunctional thinking about adoption in the United States. Reality is hard for everyone involved with an adoption. It can be a healthy experience if everyone works together to make it about the child.”

And to current and future birthmothers, Michelle wants them to know, “Adoption is for the rest of your life, forever. It can work out. Make wise choices, and seek outside support from others who have been through this experience.”


8
Jun 11

How to Be Your Child’s Friend

There is a need for you to learn to be the best friend your child could ever have if you want to be the best parent you have been aiming to be since your decision to start to procreate.

It’s just a pity that some parents have not learn to see things from this perspective.But this is the exact way to view the relationship between you and your child or children from now on if you want to be successful as a parent.

Our parents’ time were different from ours,and everybody must recognize this fact of life for us to make a headway in the everyday stress of parenting the young ones around us.

Now the question you may want to ask is…

Why must l be my child’s friend being the parent?

The simple answer to that will be listed below for your understanding:

- It will stop your child from depending on his friend’s advice especially where the friend’s advice is not the same as yours.

- The child we learn to be self-confident and be able to question adults
who may guide him aright.

- You will have the opportunity to question your child easily about their reason for taking some actions that are somehow injurious to them from your on understanding of the possible result and guide them appropriately.

- Your child will always feel free to let you know whatever may be worrying him before it turns harmful and beyond control.

- It provides avenue for you to monitor the friends your child is moving with and possible opportunity for you to get to know them and their background.

Finally….

Being your child’s best friend makes for a very happy home environment and less worry for both of you at your work place and his own school.

The reason for this…

Well…

People usually find it somehow very hard to do the things that will hurt the friends.

How about this for developing a friendly attitude towards your child and be your child’s friend?


6
Jun 11

CEO Parents – Heads-of-Household

In the family unit, you have the head-of-household, which should always be thought of as heads-of-household or considered to be and synonymous to CEOs or CEO Parents. Run your family like loving, caring, and generous CEOs because CEOs always are paid in the end.

I make this distinction from a simple comparison of the job of a CEO in building and growing a company and the job of parents in raising a family. Both have highly important jobs that demand a lot of their time, skills, and knowledge. Therefore, in a traditional business, the CEO’s duty and goal is to forge a path for a company that will lead to profits and growth for that company. The success or failure of the company lies primarily on how well the CEO did his or her job in charting a viable, lucrative path for the company.

In contrast, in the family unit, the parents should consider themselves as CEO Parents running and building the hardest, most time consuming, and most important business in the world – the raising of a family. Raising a family is a life long endeavor with many rewards and benefits that are so valuable and priceless. It should be rewarded a million times over. However, raising a family successfully and seeing your children do the same should be rewarding enough most people would say.

As CEO Parents, you are in charge of charting a course for the family that must provide for the family, grow the family, and secure the family. The success or failure of the family (failed parenting) lies with how well you, as parents, charted and navigated your course in the sea of family life.

Family Financial Security

CEO Parents, as providers, are continually tasked whether consciously or unconsciously with providing the family with financial security. Among the CEO Parents there must be a consortium which should be the foundation ensuring the financial security of the family.

When two people marry, in the vows it states “… for rich or poor…,” this statement alone when said is said with your hand on the bible and your right hand up which is your adjuration to your family’s financial security or the lack there of. Most parents begin fulfilling this oath with getting a job. This is only a start to a family’s financial security and that is where most parents stop in their quest for financial security. The reasons for this are many but more commonly are the lack of education and knowledge in the areas finance and investing coupled with the perceived lack of opportunities. However, some may say there is no real lack of opportunities just the fear to see the value of the opportunity and never take ownership of the opportunity. In addition, there are those who do take ownership of an opportunity but fail to believe in the opportunity.

Family Income

Building the family’s income, as CEO Parents, you are solely the chief bread winners for the family and with this reality CEO Parents should seek out lucrative opportunities that are most likely to increase the family’s income significantly if not marginally. Refusing to evaluate an opportunity simply because it sounds too good to be true. In the long run it hurts you more because when the right one comes along and you choose not to own it because it sounds too good to be true you will have missed your proverbial ship that came in or better yet passed by.

Increasing the family’s income should begin with the building of the CEO Parents core belief system, support system, and education on self-improvement. These are key areas that will help and sustain you in your quest for increasing your family’s income significantly. The opportunities for CEO Parents as well as anyone are all around you but you have to be open and willing to take risks to take a commanding ownership of the right opportunity for you and your family.

Family Taxes

As CEO Parents your taxes are a big part of the family’s income and the income you keep to improve your family’s financial security. Your job in this area must be that of finding viable and legal ways to pay fewer taxes. One way is to create or find ways to take more deductions.

Jennifer Openshaw as excellent programs, courses, information, and the family financial network to help guide you as you embark on the journey of increasing your tax deductions. In addition, we must not over look one of the best and quicker ways of taking more tax deductions in to start a home-based business and make it a family business with everyone involved. The many deductions you can take should be discuss. For information on what Robert Kiyosaki said about this opportunity at http://www.smi.buildlastingsuccess.com. Great opportunities are abundant if you dear to seek them out and to take ownership in them.

Family Entertainment

Successful CEO Parents incorporates family entertainment into their family unit. By doing so, it provides quality time and gives the family members a sense of being a real family. This is why it is essential for a family to sit down at the dinner table during supper and eat supper together as a family. Going out as a family to have fun at the movies, at plays, concerts, or whatever you see fit to do as a family strengthens the family bond. It is these moments that are so remembered and treasured the most.

Family Lifestyle

CEO Parents should seek to give their children a better lifestyle than they have have had and this is the case with most parents. This has been a dream of parents for many generations and it will continue to be. With that said, CEO Parents makes lifestyle improvements one-step at a time by educating themselves, improving themselves with self-improvement books, seminars, and information. This lays the foundation for you to provide a better lifestyle for your family.

Next, you begin to search for the vehicle that will provide your family the monetary fuel that will fuel your family’s lifestyle. Sure, I know that the internet is enamored with cons, sex a fenders and unscrupulous people and so is the world outside the internet but that should never deter or hinder your pursuit for a better lifestyle for you and your family.

A way to measure whether you are providing your family a better lifestyle is by the type of vacations you are able to take with your family members. These are vacations where you and your family are there to enjoy each other, the amenities, and the activities while on vacation. These will serve as invaluable memories for generations to come. One of your personal goals may be to travel and visit every country in the world and by being or becoming CEO Parents; you can make this a reality and achieve this goal with your family. It is like giving your children the world while giving them the chance to experience the world unlike most people who are not able to do so. CEO Parents makes it happen while most average parents merely seek to provide just a living, a survival if you will for their family. You often hear average and poor parents say that this is the best that they can do, but is it really. A change in their thinking and core beliefs and values is the key in changing and improving their lifestyle. Well, a change in their income (an increase that is) is a big factor as well. However, the change in their core beliefs and values will sustain them in bettering their income and lifestyle.

Family Security

CEO Parents as well as other parents wants to provide the most security for their family. Usually this consists of buying the most life insurance, home insurance, and medical insurance they can afford for their family. Initially, this is very good but is this enough. These insurances may provide the needed coverage and funds whenever a disaster befalls them. However, what insurance is going to cover them or protect them from a legal disaster? It is far better to have something in place before hand than protect and prevent legal disasters that have the potential to leave a family financially bankrupted. The service and opportunity is readily available to you and it has been around for years. You either have never heard about it or have never seen it, or you have heard of it but you did not believe in it enough to add the service to your family’s security portfolio. However, the need in America for legal services has grown and it is still growing by leaps and bounds. Therefore, I urge you to be the type of CEO Parents that realize the need to have access to legal services in your back pockets, seeing the value of having this access to legal counsel at unheard of prices in the industry. In addition, to taking a commanding control of the service and opportunity, you hold a steadfast belief in it while taking an unbelievable ownership of it.


5
May 11

Children Are Well Into the Game of Life – Maybe You Screwed Up and What to Do Now

As can be easily shown, we never know how life will unfold. The twists and turns of life look quite different than back in those early years of baby bottles and diapers and Christmas morning. Many things happened that surprised us. And in some cases the parent might feel he or she didn’t do quite the job they wished they had done in raising their children. The weight of life can vary significantly on any person, but one thing for sure, nothing could ever erase the love that is there yet it might show up as a missing.

I know someone who attempted to strangle his child out of anger and he’s in prison now, in and out for short periods of time mostly for alcohol and drugs use. He doesn’t see his 20 year old but on a rare occasion. We all know stories of one sort or another where parents no longer see their children because there is so much animosity between them. The children don’t want to see them anymore or the parents would rather not see them than experience their feelings of guilt or shame or failure for not being all they really wanted to be for their children. You know the love is so deep and the hurt is so strong that they can not cross that chasm between where there are and what they’d have to do to mend it. And in the process they might fail and suffer that painful loss once again.

This is not an uncommon occurrence. At some level all parents have at least one or two deep regrets in the raising of their children. And still some have significantly more. There is something really great about a parent that can teach a child the importance of letting go of the mistakes they themselves have made. Sooner or later they might have children of their own. Children believe they will be different in raising their own, without realizing either way they are acting out of a resistance they still might harbor for their parents.

We learn a great deal from our parents. I’m sure you’ve heard someone vow how they would never bring up their kids the way their parents raised them. Well more often than not the way their parents raised them will influence the way they bring up their own child. If you have learned to resist your parents, you will teach your child how to resist without even knowing it.

The emotional knots developed between a parent and child can be untied by you. The struggling parents hold their end of the rope and by working to free themselves from the emotions they can produce miracles in their relationship with their children.

A dad who doesn’t see his daughter because it is too painful, because his love for her is so strong, and feels he has been an ‘unworthy’ father, only needs to realize that the knot that is in him is costing his daughter or son much joy. It is knotted in them as well and untying it allows the flow of freedom and joy. It does not mean there must be close ties between one another but there should be a peace between one another, knowing the love is there. That is the beginning and from that point on you can move in a more joyful direction. That is a wise aim.

You can even be in prison and maybe never have the possibility of seeing or even speaking to your child again but you can allow yourself to give up focusing on the identity self, that piece in the game, the Scotty Dog if you will, and focus instead on the joy of life. Who you are as your divine self is the joy and love and kindness that is at the heart of why you can even feel as you do.

Your ability to do so will inevitably show your child the wisdom in raising children in an authentic way. It can demonstrate the hands on life experience that letting go of ones unworkable choices in life are better than carrying self blame and resentment. These are usually very powerful emotions as they are rooted in the deepest love one can experience, the love between children and their parents. Negative emotions should be let go of, released. Your hanging onto them in no way can free them up. In fact it is counter productive. Grand children learn by feeling, they know when there is discord there.

As a parent, do not act out of how you think your child will react. You are the center of the emotions you are experiencing. If the emotion is other than what you desire, look and see what it is you do wish to feel. At first it may even be painful to see that, so reach for the next better feeling thought you can, even if it’s ‘perhaps one day it will be better’, or ‘I am willing to have it all resolved’, or if you are religious, ‘I will allow Jesus to show me the way’.

If you willfully hold onto the past, the emotional memories will remain the reality. Instead look for all the moments that were joyful, that had smiles and laughter. Feel them, don’t let them go. Know there is resolution; know that you will both end up couched in the sea of joy. Bring no pain to the present. Enjoy the recollection of the happy times, for what you give your attention to you make real.

When you are caught in your negative emotions ask yourself if you are willing to release them. Begin asking yourself with the smallest of items those things you are grateful for and appreciate about yourself, and keep reaching for better feeling thoughts as there is no value in entertaining anything less.


27
Apr 11

Coughs And Colds In Children – What You Can Do

The common cold is a mild viral infection of the upper respiratory tract. Most children average 4 – 8 cold per year. There are over 200 viruses that are capable of causing the common cold. A cold is a disease that can be seen as priming the young and immature immune system and many children suffer colds in the first few month after starting kindergarten and confronting viruses that are new for their system. Colds can be a reflection of a temporary dip in immunity that is most often caused by insufficient rest. Too many rich foods, stress or exposure to cold and damp conditions can also precipitate a cold by lowering resistance.

The so-called “old wives’ tale” that people can catch a cold by getting cold and wet in the rain is interesting. Scientific medicine ridiculed this suggestion when the responsible viruses that cause colds were identified. That really reflected the great arrogance of medicine in its belief that science in the hands of doctors would eradicate disease. We’re still waiting! I still regularly hear people ridicule the notion of a link between getting cold and catching colds. The truth is that both are correct.

Medical scientists would have us believe that viruses are well known and understood. That isn’t so. Although what has been learned amounts to a substantial body of knowledge, we really still know very little about viruses. We do know that some of them cause the common colds we all have experienced and it is assumed that no other causes exist. Even if that assumption is valid, we know that the causative viruses don’t always cause a cold in all people exposed to them. So why do some get sick, while others do not?

The answer comes from epidemiology, the science that studies the patterns of health and disease in whole populations, rather than just in individuals. We discover that any and all illness occurs with particular sets of conditions that can be described as part of the host, agent and environment. So before anyone catches, or more correctly comes down with, a cold, there has to be a suitable alignment of factors. The host is the person, the agent is the virus and the environment is where and how they meet.

So lets look at a child and the common cold. If the child (host) has strong resistance with a good immune system and the agent (virus) is weak and the environment doesn’t undermine the host or add power to the agent, then chances are good that the child will remain well, or perhaps have only a very brief and mild cold. How could the environment possibly change this? Well, let’s say the physical environment is harsh (perhaps cold and damp), this can lower resistance, rendering a weakened host who is much more likely to catch the cold or to have a worse cold. How could it change the agent? Possibly by providing a social environment of overcrowding, which would be a better living incubator, allowing the virus to rapidly become more virulent (stronger).

It turns out that neither the old wives nor the young doctors were onto the full story. So should you have listened to your mother when she said don’t go out and get cold and damp or you’d catch a cold? Yes indeed, for although there was never any guarantee that it would result in a cold, it could reduce resistance and if suitable viruses were around, could greatly increase the risk of becoming sick. The moral of this story is, listen to your mother!

The symptoms associated with colds are, of course, well known. They include:

  • sore throat,
  • sneezing,
  • watery eyes,
  • runny nose (clear, watery and copious at first and then becoming thick and white as the infection begins to resolve),
  • irritating cough,
  • slight temperature,
  • loss of appetite and
  • tiredness.

The child is most contagious when the nasal discharge is clear and watery. The complications that can occur following a viral cold include the development of a bacterial infection, pneumonia, bronchitis, sinusitis and ear infections. These complications will need more treatment than is covered in this article. You should seek professional attention if your child has a persistent or severe cough, especially if this is accompanied by breathing difficulty, increased breathing rate, blueness of the skin, blood in the mucus or loss of weight. Coughs and colds that last longer than two weeks also require professional attention.

What can you do about colds?

There are a number of things that you can do to prevent the development of colds, ease the discomfort of colds, assist the child’s body to cope with the infection and to strengthen the child’s immune system so that fighting other infections is enhanced. These include:

  • Rest and relaxation for the child so that their energy is used for fighting the infection.
  • Plenty of fresh air. Breathing fresh air is important for the health of the respiratory system. The air shouldn’t be cold but is important to avoid overheated and stuffy rooms.
  • Avoid medications that dry the mucus or suppress the cough. It is much better for the body to be able to release the mucus.
  • Restrict foods that do not support the immune system and are congesting. These foods include:
    • dairy products including goats milk and yoghurt,
    • eggs,
    • grains, (especially gluten rich grains such as wheat, rye, oats and barley)
    • sugar,
    • salt,
    • excessive animal fats, and
    • artificially coloured and preserved foods.
  • The diet should be light and liquid foods are the most gentle. These can include, soups, casseroles and fresh juices that have been diluted. The juices can include, lemon, black currant, pineapple, elderberries (this is particularly good if there is bronchial congestion), carrot, beetroot and watercress. Garlic and onion can be added to the vegetable juices.
  • Include garlic, onions, ginger, leeks and horseradish in the foods. These will all assist the immune and respiratory systems.
  • Encourage drinking of a lot of water, especially if the child has a temperature. This moistening will help to keep the mucus thin and easily removed.
  • Vitamin and mineral supplements A, C and zinc are important. Vitamin A is needed for the health of the mucus membranes that line the respiratory system as well as to strengthen the immune system. Vitamin C reduces the severity of the symptoms and removes toxins from the system. The zinc promotes healing and boosts the immune system.
    • Vitamin C with bioflavonoid – choose a low acid, sugar free form and give small doses repeated throughout the day. The dosage:
      • 1-3 years, 50 mg 4 times per day
      • 4-6 years, 100 mg 4 times per day
      • 7-12 years, 100 mg 6 times per day
    • Vitamin A 1000iu times the age of the child up to a maximum of 5000iu for a month.
    • Zinc can be taken as a lozenge, chewable tablet or crushed tablet. The dosage:
      • 1-5 years, 10 mg daily
      • 5-12 years15 mg daily

      should be given for a month. Add plenty of zinc rich foods to the diet.

  • Herbal remedies include: rosehip, golden seal, camomile, peppermint, lemon grass, catnip, slippery elm, ginger and sage. These can be made into a mild tea.
    • Chamomile, lemon balm and catnip are most commonly used with children as they are the gentlest remedies and they reduce tension in the body, relieve headaches, stomach upsets and restlessness. In addition they are pleasant tasting and can be drunk freely. They can be drunk alone or in combination.
    • Echinacea tincture given every 2 hours will help to bolster immunity and eliminate the infection. The dosage is 1 drop per 2 pounds (1 kg) of body weight for severe colds and 1 drop per 5 ponds (1 1/4 kg) of body weight for milder colds.
    • Thyme tea is excellent for its antimicrobial activity. It can be used during the illness and for several days afterwards to prevent a recurrent or other infections. Prepare it placing 1 teaspoon of dried thyme (or 2 teaspoons if fresh thyme is used) in a cup of boiling water and allow it to stand for 15 minutes. Strain and sweeten it slightly with honey. This should be drunk 2 to 3 times per day.
    • For older children with sore and inflamed throats a gargle of sage and thyme can assist. Place 1 teaspoon of chopped sage and 1 teaspoon of dried or fresh thyme leaves into 150 ml of boiling water. Allow this to infuse for 10 minutes and then strain. The warm liquid can be used as a gargle. Gargle 2 to 3 times per day.

Conclusion

Coughs and colds are a common feature of growing up and very few children ever fully escape them. A mild cold should be observed and managed carefully to ensure any complications are avoided or promptly dealt with. However, mild coughs and colds that do not persist more than a couple of weeks may well do more good than harm. They facilitate some elimination and serve to condition the immune system.

There is no need to become unduly concerned by an occasional mild cold. However, it is good to know that there are plenty of health building remedies available, such as those above, to minimize discomfort and speed recovery.

References

Brewin, L. 2002, Natural Health for Children. ABC Books.

Hoffmann, D. 2000, The New Holistic Herbal. Element Pub.

Romm, A. 2000, Naturally Healthy Babies and Children. Storey Books. Smith, L., Walker, L. and Brown, E. 2002, Nature’s Pharmacy for Children. Three Rivers Press.


27
Apr 11

Common Sense Parenting – Never Use Harsh Words

When disciplining your child, never use harsh words because you are angry. I have found that it is better to give your child a time out before talking with them about whatever they did. This also allows you a time out and time to think about what you want to say. Because we are human and sometimes don’t think before we speak, it is important to take a time out and really think about what to say. The wrong words can just make the situation worse.

If you look up the word harsh in Webster’s New World Dictionary, you will find one definition says: offensive to the mind or feelings. While another definition says: cruel or severe. When it comes to the words we use toward each other in the heat of an argument, we could say that they can be both offensive and cruel to severe at times. Words can cut like a sword and make us bleed just as easily. I believe there is a song that uses the lyrics “cuts like a knife”.

Too many times I have heard parents scream at their children in stores, at school and even at church. I have seen parents slap, kick and even bite their children when they get angry with them. The worst I have ever personally witnessed was when a so-called friend used a string of profanity on her son, when he accidentally dropped something. The language that she used on this child made my mouth drop. I was shocked. Afterward, I spoke to her son and he told me that he knew that she didn’t mean what she said. He said that was how she was whenever she got mad at him. Can you imagine how this child might be when he becomes an adult.

Children, like all of us, are sensitive to words. The old saying, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me”, is completely false. We have all experienced words that hurt. Once said, you can’t take them back. They will always be on the mind of those you said them to. So, be very careful when speaking to your child. Choose your words carefully and speak calmly to your child, even if you are mad. Parents set the examples for their children. Try and set the right example for your children.

Take a time out, step back from the situation and consider what is the right thing to say. How should you hand the situation without using inappropriate words. There are many words in the English language that are more appropriate then cussing at a child or calling them stupid. When anyone is exposed to harsh words for too long, eventually it will affect how they feel about themselves and possibly others. Children are especially vulnerable. Be sensitive to them. Choose your words wisely.

Our children are exposed to inappropriate words too much nowadays. The television, movies, music and of course their friends, neighbors and family. Please be aware of what you say. “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will stay with me forever.”


19
Apr 11

A Tattoo Or Piercing? – A Parent and Teen’s Teaching Opportunity

Is this the year your son/daughter will want to get a tattoo??How about a body piercing??What are you going to do about it??What will you say?

I’m not promoting tattoos or body piercing for “children”.?However, I think we as parents need to understand something about teenagers:?They are truly “tribal” and have a huge need to belong to a group they perceive are their peers.

Now, that doesn’t mean they are aboriginal or primitive.?Instead, it suggests that in their need to belong they need to have identifiable cues that signify their membership.?It’s not a “gang” mentality…you see plain ol’ teenagers wear the same styles of clothing depending upon which clique they belong to (”goth”, preppie, etc).?And, you’ll hear them use specific language that identifies their group membership.?And, they use hair styles and make-up to differentiate them from “other” groups.?/p>

In their immaturity, they believe they are making a statement about who they are as “individuals”.?In truth they are loudly proclaiming which stereotypical group they identify with.?The desire to get a tattoo or a body piercing may be one way they think they will belong to a “cool” group and to avoid the appearance of not belonging.

According to some studies, approximately 10% of high school and college students have tattoos and between 25-35% of students have body piercing.?If you take the position of NO tattoos or body piercing until they are out of high school, you may find yourself engaged in a power struggle that you could lose.?Sometimes our kids will choose to act foolishly BECAUSE we have forbidden them to.?And, your child could defy you and get tattooed or pierced without your approval just for spite.

So, what’s a parent to do?

Talk about it–Talk about it–Talk about it!?/em> If you can, find out why your teen wants a tattoo or piercing.?Ask what it will mean about him/her that he/she has a tattoo or piercing.?What is the graphic that your teen wants and where?…Why??What body part is where he/she wants a piercing?–what will he she be wearing in the piercing??/p>

By asking questions in a non-threatening manner, you may get more information about the purpose of the tattoo or piercing.?And, then you may be able to compromise if necessary.

“What compromise?” you might ask.牋 When you become a partner instead of an adversary, you are in a position to counsel rather than demand.?And, then your teen may be able to hear you and your concerns.?/p>

營f your teen wants to be like his/her friends, consenting to a well-placed tasteful tattoo/piercing could be an option to use to encourage compliance and fore-stall contrary “I’ll-show-you” reactionary behavior.?Perhaps an agreement to get just one before he/she is 18 will prevent an unsafe procedure, an inappropriate tattoo or piercing, or an poorly planned permanent “bumper sticker” .

There are several benefits to become a partner in the tattoo/piercing debate:

1) You become a collaborator in deciding how & where the teen gets the tattoo/piercing…at a shop with impeccable?standards or at a friend’s home with hit-or-miss cleanliness.?Kids often don’t know the risk of cross-contamination or improper sterilization.?And, if the procedure is done in secret, your teen may not address a possible infection in time!牋 Your involvement opens a conversation about potential health risks and choosing responsibly.牋

2) Also, you become a partner in deciding what graphic will be used for a tattoo or where the piercing is to be done.?Waiting until after a spontaneous or retaliatory tattoo or piercing is too late…the “damage” is done.?So, with your consent and approval, your teen will be able to join his group overtly, brandishing his/her statement so everyone can see with pride and confidence.?/p>

3) You can make a deal–press for a contract agreement.?”If I allow (or pay) for this one, you promise that this will be the only tattoo or body piercing you’ll get until you are 18 years old.”?Some parents might even hold a carrot out: I’ll contribute $100.00 for a tattoo/piercing after you’re 18 IF you don’t violate the one-only rule.

4) Another “contract” could be based upon the promise of a future tattoo/piercing AFTER a specific time-dependent goal has been achieved–you can link the reward to grades or home behaviors.?You and your teen can plan the graphic or placement–time passes–and when the time comes, he/she may discover that what was desirable originally isn’t any more.?If after time passes (and the goal is achieved), the original piercing or tattoo graphic is still what he/she wants, then you can provide the “reward”.?But if the teen has changed his/her mind, the lesson is couched in “Thank heavens, you didn’t get that, THEN–’cause you’d be stuck with it, now”.

5) You can prompt a discussion about how a tattoo or piercing might affect your teen’s future options.?For example, if a teen girl wants to become a model, a tattoo or piercing could be a liability.?Some professions will not hire employees who have pictures on their bodies that might offend or interfere in public relations.?Therefore, ask questions about how a current choice could affect future choices.

6) Make the process of deciding a focus of research.?Demonstrate the wisdom of finding out everything you can before making an informed decision.?Get on the internet to find out the risks; ask friends what it was like and how they felt after;?find adults who have tattoos/piercings and ask whether they have regrets (what regrets, why,?and what would they have done differently)–and talk about what your teen concludes.?/p>

7)?You can visit and inspect the establishments likely to perform the piercing or tattoo with your teen’s sanction.?Together, you can find out the legal age of consent and sterilization requirements of your state.?Go with your teen to a shop to get the specific information.?Show your teen how to be a good consumer by visiting several places before you decide on one.?Make sure your teen can verbalize why one place is better than another.?/p>

Teenagers often do what they do with or without their parent’s consent or involvement.?Tattooing or Body Piercing is one teen experience we can work through WITH THEM where we can make a difference.?By keeping an open mind and reminding ourselves of our teenager’s need to belong, we can support, guide and (perhaps) influence the outcome.?By automatically rejecting the teen’s desire for self-expression or peer-group membership, we could press him/her into risky alternatives with dangerous consequences.?Which tactic makes more sense to you?


9
Mar 11

How To Successfully Toilet Train Your Toddler

Potty training or toilet training a toddler poses a challenge to parents. In some situations it the process is smooth and in others it turns into a battle of wills.

The key to successful potty training is that both the child and the parent need to be ready to give it a go. Often a child will show readiness but the parents are not prepared to deal with the unpleasantness that comes along with the training period. The potty training period is never convenient and always involves some degree of mess.

But the good news is that with a consistent approach – training can happen quickly and then families can return to their normal routine.

Before beginning the toilet training process you must make sure that your child shows some interest in the potty. He or she will give you some cues like sitting on the potty and talking about using the potty. They may even have a few “successes”. A parent can encourage these successes by seating the child on the potty in the morning, before bath, and at any other opportune time.

Once both parent and child are ready to embark on toilet training, a parent must be steadfast in their decision. Potty training doesn’t happen overnight, a week or two is a reasonable expectation. Given this timeframe, the first few days can be difficult – with several “accidents” occurring. This is ok and parents should remain positive and supportive of their children. If you stop the process early on your toddler will experience confusion.

Diapers and diaper-type toddler underwear are a no-no! Resist the temptation to switch back and forth between regular underwear and diapers. If a child knows that they have a choice they will choose the easier road. Only use diapers at naptime and bedtime. The rest of the day is regular underpants. Try to clear your schedule for a week so you can stay home or have your child stay home with a patient caregiver during this time. This will make it easier on both you and the child. Sometimes you just can’t stay home, so try to make your trips short and make use of the plastic type of training underwear that go over the cloth underpants. Also take a potty along in the car for convenience.

Patience is important. Be patient and supportive of your child. This is a big milestone for him or her. And lots of positive encouragement will pay off.

Sometimes a child really isn’t ready – but don’t abandon the process immediately. Give it at least one to two weeks of consistent process and carefully evaluate your decision. “Accidents” will occur more frequently during the first week and then miraculously taper off.

Although your child may train quickly for daytime – it may take much longer for success during the night.

Keep your child’s emotional well-being in mind at all times. Frustration and stress on your part will hamper the toilet training process. Always show love and understanding to your toddler as take this big step in life.


17
Feb 11

Five Ways to Nurture Happy Children

Happiness is no laughing matter, although fun is certainly important. Research into well being suggests happiness is not a single emotion, but actually three layers of experience: physical pleasure, emotional satisfaction and personal achievement. All three need to be in balance to create well being.

Children need all three skills to make life satisfying:

?Knowing how to enjoy their senses and physical skills without becoming over dependent on pleasure

?Becoming confident learners without anxiety about criticism

?Forming strong relationships and enjoying companionship without fear of rejection

So how can you help your child develop a balanced and fulfilling life?

1) Don’t focus just on having a good time;

pleasure is not the whole story. When you eat an ice cream or go on a fairground ride the result is a rush of pleasure. It’s undeniably fun, but the effect is short lived. Children can enter a spiral of needing more and bigger experiences to satisfy them. When children demand more and more food; toys or excitement this can be a sign that all is not well in other areas.

2) Create opportunities for personal achievement;

children have a natural desire to explore and learn which makes personal achievement deeply satisfying. Make sure your child gets plenty of time to play because play is nature’s way of encouraging children to practise new skills. Play is highly motivating because happy hormones are released which create energy and keep children involved. Doing something in a playful way is completely captivating; children can concentrate for much longer. This intense concentration is what psychologists call “flow”. Doing something everyday which creates flow is a healthy counterbalance to more formal learning at home and at school.

3) Develop satisfying friendships;

your child’s well being will not be complete if their happiness is purely personal. Children need satisfying relationships, love and close friendships are essential, but children also need to know how to fit into a larger group.

4) Foster Emotional Intelligence which is central to well being.

EQ is the insight and practical skills which help us to understand other people and how to get along with them. Developing social skills is complex and continues throughout childhood. Children need wide social experience but also useful feedback.

5) Mentoring and support-

When adults oversee situations, children can develop their social skills step by step, with guidance and support. Having good adult role models at home and in the wider world shows children what is possible and how to both create good relationships but also how to repair them when things get tough. Children do also learn from each other but sometimes that advice is not so gently given. Everyone your child meets will contribute to their social learning. The old saying that it takes a village to bring up a child remains true in the 21st Century.