Posts Tagged: parents

Parenting — Comments Off
15
Feb 11

Building Family Time Into Your Busy Life

Families today are busy. Families are so busy, in fact, they often complain that while they share a house, they live completely separate lives. “We are so active during the week that we rarely see eachother,” says Rachel, mother of two school-aged children. “My husband and I both work full-time during the day and at night we cart our children around to their various activities. He takes one child and I take the other. The only time I see my husband is at night before we go to bed… and then we are too tired to talk, let alone anything else.”

Connie, a full-time working mother, also feels the family time-crunch. “During the week I take my son to child care, go to work, pick him up, run errands and pay bills. Then I get to go home and cook dinner. On weekends we do all of the stuff we’ve neglected to do around the house during the week. I don’t feel like we ever come together as a family just to relax and have fun.”

Finding extra time to spend together as a family is never easy but it is possible. If being with your family is important look at the ways you spend your time now. With a little forsight you can build family time right into your busy lifestyle.

Make Dinnertimes Special:

My friend, Lisa, plans her evening meals a week in advance. She gets everyone in the family involved. They create a menu and a grocery list and they go shopping together on Sundays. Everyone helps with meal preparation and then they sit down together to eat as a family. 揟his is a ritual for us,” says Lisa. “Once we began our family meals, dinner was something to look forward to, not rush through. We get to spend time together shopping, cooking and eating.” Lisa warns that teaching your kids to cook can be a lesson in patience, but ultimately it pays off. “It was a bit more work in the beginning than doing it myself, but once the kids learned how to chop, dice, and serve, it actually made my life easier and we had more time in the week to do the things we wanted to do.” On busier nights Lisa throws something in the slow cooker, but the family still helps with a salad or dessert.

Making Everyday Moments Together-Time:

Your time together does not always have to be active time. Some of the very best moments of our lives involve doing very little. Jack, a single father, has a physically demanding job, so he sneaks in some quality time with his son while relaxing in front of the TV. “My son and I have a couple of shows that we both like to watch. We circle them in the TV Guide and even put them on the calendar. Sometimes I make popcorn or get out some chips. It’s only for a few hours a week and but it’s a great unwind time for us both. One of our favorite tv shows is a really bad program, and we spend the entire hour making fun of it. It’s been a real bonding experience.” Jack says that the key to turning relaxation time into family time is to make sure you connect during the process. “Ask questions, tell jokes, sit next to each other; these are the things your kids will remember in years to come.

Behind the Wheel:

Don’t be tempted to go on a mental holiday when you are playing chauffer to your family. Why not make use of this time together to catch up on eachother抯 lives? “I don’t let the kids turn on their Ipods or the DVD player on short trips,” says Lisa. “Instead, I make small talk with them about things that are going on, or I turn on a radio station that we can all sing along to. The kids really open up on our drives, and so does my husband, and I find myself a lot less judgmental when they confide in me. We are somehow able to talk about things in the car that we are never able to talk about at home.”

Cut Down on the Activities:

Perhaps the easiest way to find more time is to make more time. “There are a lot of things in our lives we do that are unnecessary,” says Jen, a full-time mother of three small children. “Figure out which things are dispensable and then eliminate the extraneous items.” Jen suggests creating a priority list and deciding what values are really important to you and your family. “We used to spend our weekends doing chores around the house, but my husband and I decided that having time together as a couple and as a family was more important. Our house isn’t the cleanest house in the world, but we are a lot less stressed out. Now we schedule one weekend a month to work on our home to-do list, and the other three weekends are ours to spend as we wish.” Jen says her family is happier and her marriage has never been better. “My priorities were messed up before. I’m happy to say I know what’s really important now. You can’t get the time back you wasted scrubbing floors. Ever.”

Parties — Comments Off
26
Jan 11

Fairly Odd Parents Party Games

These two fairly odd parents?party games will help your guest have a great time at the next party you throw, whether it be a birthday or just a plain fun day.

The first game is a fairly odd one indeed called, 慍onductor? Billy has one of the Fairly Odd Parent抯 wands and decides to be his own symphony conductor. Pick one person to play the conductor and have the rest of the kids sit in chairs around him/her. The conductor will clap time either slow or fast for the music and as he/she points at one of the players with the imaginary wand will yell the name of an instrument and that player must immediately start playing an imaginary instrument and making the noises that go with it. This person keeps playing and the conductor points at other players to get them started playing imaginary instruments. The point is to try and get everyone playing an imaginary instrument and playing it slow or fast.

The conductor can also make someone stop playing just by pointing at them again with the imaginary wand belonging to the Fairly Odd Parents. If you fail to notice the conductor pointing at you, you must drop out of the game.

The next game is called 憌ish list? It抯 a fun writing and guessing game for the kids to play when the adults have gotten tired out. Give everyone a piece of paper and pencil and have them write down 10 things they would wish for if they had Fairly Odd Parents. Then have them all put their names at the bottoms of the lists and pass them in to you. Read the lists one by one and have the players try and guess who wrote the list. You can have them write the name down quietly or just yell it out as the name comes to them. Those with the most guesses get a special treat.

Parenting — Comments Off
15
Jan 11

Your Child’s Sleep – How Much is Enough?

Research has shown that many children do not get enough sleep. Lack of sleep can affect your child’s schoolwork, social interactions and home life.

“If children are allowed to stay up late, they become hyperactive and it is usually harder to get them to sleep. Parents also become fractious and the whole of family life is affected,” said Jacqui McGreavey, the co-ordinator of Tayside’s children’s sleep clinics.

It’s fine to say that children are not getting enough sleep, but how much is ‘enough’?

Here are some guidelines as to how much sleep a child needs -

0 to 12 months – 16 – 18 hours. This is the time to start good sleep habits. Put him to sleep when he is drowsy but still awake so that he will learn to soothe himself to sleep.

1 to 3 years – 13 – 15 hours. Toddlers often have trouble calming down at night. Establish a bedtime routine that is calm to encourage better sleep, for example bath, story and bed. Most toddlers will still need one nap during the day.

4 to 5 years – 12 hours. Aim for 12 hours sleep a night, but do not stop the daytime naps until he is ready, or you will both suffer!

6 to 10 years – 10 – 12 hours. Research shows that problems at school are more likely if the child is a poor sleeper. Keep TVs out of the bedroom and stick to regular bedtimes, even at the weekend.

10 to 12 years – 8 – 10 hours. He may think he is grown up but he still needs his sleep! If your child’s behaviour becomes difficult or his schoolwork starts to be a problem check to make sure he is getting enough sleep.

12 to 18 years – 8 – 9 hours. Sleep deprivation is linked with mood swings and behaviour problems. A moody teenager may just need a good night’s sleep. It is still vital to his health. Try to stick to regular bedtimes, even at the weekends.

Of course, as with most things relating to children, these are just averages. Each child is an individual and could require a different amount of sleep, but it is good to have some guidance.

It is important to establish a calming bedtime routine for your child. Children like the security of routines. It helps to make them feel more in control of their lives as they know what to expect – ‘After my bath, I’m read a story, then I go to bed and sleep’.

If your child wakes during the night calmly sort out any problems and put him back to bed. Try not to get involved in long conversations or playing games as this will encourage him to wake more often to enjoy some ‘night time attention’ from you.

When you establish a night time routine early in your child’s life you will both benefit from it. Your child will be better behaved and more able to learn – and you will be more rested and able to enjoy your child.

Parenting — Comments Off
28
Dec 10

5 Of The Most Common Parenting Mistakes

1. Using the phrase: “When I was your age”

Our kids are not interested in how much better off they have it than when we were young or how hard we worked, or how much we sacrificed. It didn’t work for us as a motivator and it doesn’t work for them.

2. Issuing idle threats

When we consistently issue idle threats our kids soon catch on that we don’t mean what we say. Saying things like: “If you don’t stop doing that, there’ll be no TV for a month” and then not following through, they soon learn not to take us seriously. We do it in hopes they’ll stop what they’re doing. When they catch on our threats don’t mean anything, in their mind there is no reason to follow our instruction.

3. Taking ownership of our kids’ problems

Many times parents take ownership of their kids’ problems. There are challenges they encounter that don’t concern us but we choose to take them on. We rescue instead of stepping back and letting them solve their own problems. When we do things like get involved with peer conflicts, school projects, over-due homework assignments, and many other things, we rob them of important problem solving skills. We also take away a lot of their power and it discourages our kids to think independently.

4. Issuing commands and expecting instant co-operation

Parents will often say things like: “Go clean your room” or “Pick that up right now” or “Do your homework!” or “Get dressed right now”. Our kids are as human as the rest of us and will resist when a request is stated as a command. We often have an expectation that they should obey and do as they’re told when they’re told. They might if we’ve developed a relationship based on fear but generally it’s not an effective way to get anyone to do anything.

5. Being physically present but not emotionally present

I’ve worked with many parents who ask for guidance around their misbehaving child. I’m always very interested in finding the source of the behavior rather than only focusing on the problem. One of the most basic human needs is the need to be noticed. Our kids want and need our attention. Parents are very often physically present, but not emotionally present. They make little time for just talking about the day, or listening to find out what’s important to their kids. One sure way to get our attention is to misbehave. We’ll find that when we consciously spend time with our kids; talking and really listening, their behavior improves dramatically.

Crafts-Hobbies — Comments Off
10
Nov 10

Games Are Just The Thing For Family Night

If you are looking for activities to do with the kids look no further! How about trying out a family game night. Pick a day, turn off the television and have some fun as a family. Let’s face it after dinner is over the kids want to watch T.V., your spouse wants to relax and you want to interact as a family. A well planned family game night can be relaxing and a great time to interact and discuss how each others day or week went.

One of the first things you will need is a good collection of games to play. Make sure that your selection includes games for all of the ages in your house. You don’t need to have lots of different games, just a few good quality games will do the job. You also don’t need to play a bunch of different games in one night, just pick one game and play a few rounds if it is a short game, or one round for longer games.

There are lots of different categories of games available for your family to enjoy. Remember that it is important to vary the type of game you play each week. Try out some fun card games, Gamewright makes card games that kids really love like Rat-A-Tat Cat and Slamwich. There are also some really great games inspired by Monopoly like Dogopoly and Catopoly, they offer the same type of game play as Monopoly, but with a dog or cat theme. You can never go wrong with a good family game like Make ‘N Break from Ravensburger it offers quick rounds, and fun game play.

Every week you should vary who gets to pick the game you are going to play. The kids might want to play games that maybe you aren’t thrilled with like What’s in Ned’s Head from Fundex Games. This might not be your idea of the best game to play, but if the kids love it they will enjoy family game night and be more likely to want to participate every week. The next week maybe you get to pick one of your favorite games, it makes it fair for everyone, and gives the whole family a chance to play their favorite game.

You can also adapt the rules of most games. If you have a younger child that you want to include in a game they may not quite be ready for, adapt the rules to make it so they can participate. If you come up with a way to improve the game, change the rules for your house to make it more fun. The best games are flexible enough for the rules to be adapted and changed to make the game-play fit your house and family.

So get started this week with planning your family game night. Pick an evening in the middle of the week. Write up a schedule for who gets to pick the game for the next week, or make it easy go from youngest to oldest and just rotate each week. Make it a rule that the television must stay off that night. Turn off the cell phones, put on some music, clear the table after dinner and get started with your game night.

Parenting — Comments Off
5
Nov 10

The Three Costly Mistakes Parents Make When Helping Their Children Learn and How to Avoid Them

The three costly mistakes parents make when helping their children learn and how to avoid them. In all the years I have been teaching young children I am always surprised at the amount of money parents spend on helping children succeed in school without knowing if what they are doing is actually going to help.

?br>Well, I am here to tell you that it needn’t be that way.

First, do not believe all that you read in newspapers and magazines.燭hey present a constant stream of information about new, exciting ways to help your child learn.營t is always encouraging to learn about new educational programs or resources that promise to help your child succeed in math or learn to read in two weeks.燤ake no mistake most of these programs do work and work well.燘ut just because they work for some children does not mean that they will work for your child.

?br>Before you rush out to buy the newest foolproof way to help your child, stop and think about what your child needs to learn and whether this new program or educational resource is exactly what your child needs right now.

Secondly, don’t automatically believe everything that friends or family tell you about how to help your child learn.燭hank them for trying to be helpful, and acknowledge that what they say may have some benefit for you, but chances are they are talking about how they were taught, what helped them learn when they were in school.燬ome of what they suggest might be just the kind of help you need but you need to be aware that times have changed since they were learners and educational practices have changed with them.

?br>If you come up with an idea that you think might work for your child, check it with your child’s teacher first so that you are not spending on something that will conflict with what your child is doing in school.

?br>Thirdly, don’t assume that just because your friend found a wonderful tutor for her child that the same tutor would be perfect for your child.燭here are many wonderful tutors out there and they all work in different ways.燳our child might learn in a different way from your friend’s child and so the same tutor could be good for one child and not so good for the next.

?br>Always check out how a tutor is going to help your child and make sure it matches both what your child needs to learn and how your child likes to learn before you buy his or her services.

?br>Don’t waste any more money on buying the kind of support that is not going to help your child.燜ind out what your child needs to learn and how he needs to learn it and then find the support that will work.燭hat will be money well spent.

Parenting — Comments Off
5
Nov 10

Parenting – Discipline In The Modern World

The subject of parenting and discipline often sparks heated debate and much of this stems from the use of the word ‘discipline’ itself, which conjures up a picture of harsh and unreasonable punishment in the minds of many parents. Indeed, the debate over discipline has resulted in many parents moving to the opposite and of the scale and adopting an approach which can best be described as excessively permissive.

We all need discipline in our lives and, as adults, we see this as self-discipline. We know what is right and what is wrong and what we should do and what we should not do. We also know that there are many things in life which we don’t particularly want to do, but which are necessary if we are to progress through the trials and tribulations of everyday life.

But such self-discipline does not come naturally and it is something that we have to learn as we grow up and something that as parents we need to teach our children.

The first and perhaps most important lesson which we have to learn as parents is that our children are individuals and that our approach to disciplining individual children needs to recognize this fact. What may be appropriate for one child will not necessarily be appropriate or effective with another.

The second thing that we need to realize is that discipline must be linked to a child’s level of understanding. While this is largely a function of age, children will develop both physically and intellectually at differing rates and this too needs to be taken into account.

For example, there is little point in trying to have a deep and meaningful discussion with a three year old about the rights and wrongs of taking sweets from the shelf in the local supermarket. At the same time, sending a sixteen year old to his room simply because ‘I say so’ is also of little benefit.

The secret is to acknowledge that your response to bad behavior must be appropriate to the age of the child but also to understand that it must be appropriate to the individual child.

Another extremely important principle of discipline is that your response to bad behavior should be both considered and be seen as being considered. You should never simply react to a situation on impulse and certainly not out of anger.

If you find yourself in a situation where you are angry then take a moment to compose yourself before saying or doing anything. If necessary call a ‘time out’. Walk away from the situation and take the time to decide what to do, if necessary discussing an appropriate response with your spouse, before saying anything to the child or taking any action. The delay should not be too long and it certainly wouldn’t be appropriate in most cases to punish an action days or weeks later. But ’sleeping’ on a problem can often be very helpful.

Discussing a problem with a teenager after a night’s sleep for example can be extremely effective giving the teenager time to think about what he or she has done and also giving you time to think carefully about the lesson that the teenager needs to learn and how best that lesson can be taught. It also demonstrates to the teenager that you are concerned about this issue and that you have taken time to consider it carefully, rather than simply reacting on impulse or out of anger.

Discipline is a necessary part of parenting and is not always easy. However, a realization that your role is not simply to punish your children but to teach them a lesson and help them to develop a valuable life skill will go a long way to taking away much of the unpleasantness often associated with disciplining children.

Parenting — Comments Off
1
Nov 10

How to Help Children Build a High Self-Image

Wanting your kids to feel good about themselves is a universal wish of healthy parents. And when children have medical issues, it is even more important that they have a high self-image because it impacts their self-care.

Some parents easily raise kids that have a high self-image and excel in self-care. And some try very hard and yet their children are whiney, negative, non-compliant about medical treatment regimens and feel bad about themselves. What’s the difference?

Let first look at some of the things that don’t work to build a “good self- image”:

1. Praising children when they have actually done a mediocre or poor job and hoping that encourages them to do better.

2. Not correcting children because the parent is concerned about “inhibiting” them or “damaging” their self-esteem.

3. When children are ill, it is very easy for a family to become completely “child centered.” We have interviewed teens with cystic fibrosis who related to us that in childhood they believed that they were definitely the most important person in the home.

Now why don’t these things work? Many have a gut feeling that they should. Where do they go wrong? All of those responses are built on a parent not taking good care of him or herself in a loving (but not selfish) way.

In the first example, when a parent tells a child that he’s done great when the fact is the job has not been done well, the child knows the parent is lying. And worse yet, has to lie to make the child feel good about himself. Instead of praising a child for a job well done (that wasn’t really) use encouragement: “Robert, I’m sure that a smart little kid like you will massively improve if you decide to put in a little more effort.”

In the second example, when children are not corrected for misbehavior, they feel empowered to misbehave. And, they lose respect for the adults who are not responsive to the situation. On a deeper sense, entitled children feel fragile. Sadly, they believe (as do the parents) that they don’t have the fortitude to cope with correction and consequences.

In completely child-centered homes, the adults come second, by definition. In such homes, the children may be quite demanding and appear to have a high self- image but in fact often don’t. Deep down inside, children identify with the adults in their lives; they learn from their models how to treat others and themselves. So, some kids raised in child-centered homes will come to put themselves last and allow others to walk all over them. Others will simply remain unpleasant to be around even into adulthood. Their obnoxiousness stems from a deep fear that no one will really want to pay attention to them if they aren’t demanding. Obnoxious behavior and being a doormat are not character traits associated with high self-esteem!

So, take good care of yourself. Put yourself first in a loving way and don’t tolerate incessant, obnoxious behavior. Use encouragement, not praise. Raise kids who know how to set healthy boundaries because they saw you do it. Your children will be more likely to have a high self- image, better self-care and will treat you with respect.

Parenting — Comments Off
30
Oct 10

Teach Your Kid Good Food Eating Habits With Fun Activities

As parents you have had experiences where you constantly worry about the eating habits of your kids. A large percentage of kids are finicky eaters and or they eat at their sweet will with parents especially moms fretting out on their eating habits.

It is time then to take action and try to inculcate some eating habits using fun as a medium as opposed to threatening or bribing the kids. Remember bribe never helps as kids are smart and they will resort to not eating the food till you give the bribe again. It is not at all a healthy practice.

The first step for parents is not to worry too much about the kids finicky eating. Kids will grow based on the genes they inherit and they have enough in their bodies to sustain them without food for longer periods of time. If you try to feed the kid every now and then it will instill him an aversion for food. Just try and relax before to start making any conscious efforts for improving the kids eating habits.

Encourage your kid to kid to sit at the dinner table with all of the other family members. Make sure that you tell jokes and interesting stories at the dinner table. That will make the dinner or meal an enjoyable experience for the kid. Never ever scold him or nag him for not eating proper food.

Make the food with varying colors and tell the kid about those color coordinated foods. It will be a good learning activity for him and he will start enjoying the meals. Also make sure that when you lay out the food, you lay out in different interesting shapes and sizes. That way he will look forward to each day at the dinner table with something interesting to learn and see.

Another thing that parents usually ignore is that while selecting the food for the family you should make sure to take out the kid to grocery store and let him pick the foods. That way he will get to know the amazing variety of foods and also will start enjoying the meal cooked from the food that he helped pick. Another trick is to make a menu of the meals for the week in advance. Encourage your kid to participate in that and let him prepare those weekly lists on a big sheet of paper and paste it in his room. Tell him to strike out each day one by one.

Hopefully all these activities will help become a healthy eater and you will be happy too

Parenting — Comments Off
25
Oct 10

Raising Kids – Is Your Home Safe For Your Child?

Today’s news brought another tragic story of a 4-year-old child who was killed at home. She was Mike Tyson’s beloved daughter who was killed when she was playing on the treadmill at home and somehow the loose cords got caught round her neck and she was strangled to death. My deepest condolence goes to the Tyson family. Raising kids can be a tough and tedious job but losing a kid is like getting a knife plunged into our hearts – it will bleed and hurt forever. Nevertheless, I cannot help but wonder if it should send all parents a warning message that it’s time we do a thorough check to see if our homes are child proof?

It is of course impossible to child proof the world as danger is everywhere around us but it will definitely be very useful to check that the risk of injury in your home is reduced to the minimum, especially since your home is where your child will be spending most of the time. Meanwhile, you can teach your child about the safety measures that they should keep in mind. Below is a checklist you can use to ensure that your home is child proof:

1.Install gates for stairways
Very often young children were injured due to falls and stairways are very dangerous places for little children, so parents should ensure that the stairways are blocked with gates on both sides. It is better to use gates that are securely mounted into the walls rather than pressure mounted gates at the top of the stairways as your child might be able to apply enough pressure to cause the gates to give way. Nevertheless, it is always safer to ensure that an adult is around to keep a close eye on the kids when they are near stairways.

2.Lock outlets, drawers and cupboards
If you look around your house, you might find that there are many objects which will cause your children’s little fingers to get injured such as when they slam the cupboard doors or drawers. Even the door hinges can cause their fingers to get caught and bleed. Outlets that are hanging loose are a potential danger too so make sure they are safety tied up or hidden in plastic outlet covers. Before purchasing such products, test them out to see how child friendly they are first. If you have to install child safety latches, make sure they are easy to use or you might just end up not using them at all!

3.Remove medicine, cleaners and other poisons from sight
Young children are very curious and they would love to touch and taste everything they can lay their little hands on so make sure such poisonous substances are kept out of reach of your kids. Never keep your cleaners under the kitchen sink or on the ledge of the bathtub as it is very convenient for your little ones to get hold of them. Always ensure that they are safely locked away or placed in a high cupboard where your kids cannot reach. Even the medicine and sharp items at home should also not be within your children’s reach.

4.Keep small toys and other choking hazards away
Apart from falls, choking is another is another very common cause for children’s visits to the hospitals. Being curious, young children love to put everything that they can lay their hands on into their mouths, for example, small toys, batteries, coins, buttons, etc. So parents have to be very vigilant and keep all these choking hazards out of the way of your little ones. If you have older kids, teach them to keep these small items away from younger children.

5.Be on the lookout for new potential dangers
Your child is growing everyday so you need to be on the lookout for what he can reach up to. What he could not get hold of previously might suddenly be within his reach one day. You do not want to be caught in a situation where he is busy pulling down the table cloth and everything else on it! Get the items out of his way before it’s too late!

6.Install window grilles or lock windows
To prevent your little ones from falling out of windows, you can either lock the windows or install guards that can prevent the windows from opening too far out. Alternatively, you can also install window grilles or screens. Your child is never too young to climb so make sure all blind cords, cribs, beds, chairs and other furniture are not placed near the open windows because a young child can easily climb up and reach the open windows.

No doubt prevention is better than cure but it is also a parent’s responsibility to teach your child how to behave and to stay away from potentially dangerous places. Your child will definitely get to visit homes that are not child proofed like yours so to prevent any disastrous accidents from happening, teaching them to understand what is not safe is still the best remedy. Anyway, isn’t raising kids about teaching our children all about life?

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